The Young Woman:

Immaculately dressed. Black tights, dress, scarf, well applied makeup. Soft, well groomed hair. Mid-twenties. Pretty and sweet. Kind and gentle of heart.

The young woman was a mess.

Her past and her present were crashing in upon her. She had been married a few months but now her mate had left. As I held her in my arms while she sobbed, I could feel her pain. It was raw. The young woman clung to me as if we had know each other for years, but we’d just met. I was asking God for the right words.

She was a slight acquaintance of my teenage daughter.

The young woman knew of my daughter’s faith and needed someone to talk to. She asked if they could talk. My daughter invited her over. I could hear their discussion as I worked in the kitchen. The young woman needed counsel but my daughter had no experience in the topics being discussed. At this point I was also concerned for my daughter’s innocence should the topic detour too far into the sexual realm.

I sent a prayer up.

I asked God to remove my daughter somehow so I could talk with this young lady. Within ten minutes my daughter was unexpectedly called to work, and I stepped in. My daughter had already shared with her about my past and some of the pain I had endured, and that I was wise in the Lord.

I told her I was sorry.

That was all it took. Like a homing pigeon, she buried her head in my arms and sobbed. After the tears were spent, she started by asking me a lot of questions about my struggles with rejection and pain. I answered her questions as best I could. Like a sponge, she soaked up everything I said. The girl was open and all over the place. Then I asked her if we could talk about her, her marriage, and her past. She was willing.

I dove deep and asked the sensitive questions, about morals, personal history, and marriage expectations.

I asked how much she slept around before her marriage. A lot. So many that she’d lost count. Substance abuse? Yes, of course (head held down). Her desires? To make her parents’ proud. What she enjoyed? Dancing. Working. Helping people. School? Dropped out but wanted to return. What she needed? Someone to understand. Answers, to explain why it had fallen apart. How to recover and move forward when every day is difficult to get through. Her faith? She was a Christian but had not lived like one.

She’d disappointed her parents and caused them pain.

The man she married had seemed the answer. He was a new Christian. They could talk and talk. As a couple they went to church. They had tried to do it the right way. When distance between them began to grow, they went to their minister for counsel. Instead of it helping them, her mate withdrew and became hard to reach. He disengaged. She worked all day, and he sat around playing video games. I could tell she had expected her husband to meet her needs, and she had worked hard at being a good wife and trying to make him happy. She had believed he would respond and that she had found her soulmate.

But his needs were greater than her needs.

Her husband had lived with little love in his past. He couldn’t keep up the facade. He couldn’t give her what he did not have. What started out with sizzle and romance, died a short death. Now she was in a worse state than before, deeply wounded, betrayed, and destroyed. She did want a divorce, and she still loved him.

Most unresolved issues follow people.

This young woman was living a pattern that was cycling in and out of pain in an endless pursuit of happiness and stability. She was unaware of her own needs and in denial of her part or how she had buried her beliefs out of a great need to be loved and cherished. I tried to help her see that wholeness and healing is possible but it will not happen unless she takes charge, chooses to let God help her, and then takes steps to become healthy emotionally and spiritually.

I spoke the truth because she desperately needed it.

I gave her what I had to give. I knew her healing would be commiserate with her willingness to look at her unresolved issues and to see why she does what she does, and her ability to reach out to Christian people who could help her heal and grow. You can only change yourself. She needed to work on herself first. So I directed her away from trying to fix her mate.

I saw in her a gentle soul, hurt by life, and ripe for the next guy to use.

As I prayed with her I held her close, like a mother with a child. She needed more than I could give her. Her hug this time was even tighter. Her voice sounded hopeful. I gave her cds about pain and healing to take with her.

I wanted her to make it.

Often I see it in the person’s eyes, a lack of wholeness, a blank vacant look; that is the way it shows itself in people whom have given up their soul in the pursuit of being loved, wanted, and valued; the addictive cycle that ensnares and will not let them go until they choose to get off the hamster wheel. They end up being hurt, time and time again. It is like the proverbial dog chasing its tail. They are going at the thing backwards and losing their self-respect in the process. But it seems too steep of hill to climb.

Unresolved issues can evolve between family members, people in the workplace, in civic organizations, and between church members.

Like hers, areas of pain come from hurts that haven’t healed, needs that haven’t been met, and problems that have not yet resolved themselves. Psychologically, they have imprinted the mind with a message that is destructive to the inner person. The boatload of baggage remains there, buried deep inside.

One can bury it, one can deny it, but one cannot remove it.

God can. God sees your wounds and your broken heart. He sees your layers of protection that build in intensity and density over the years. He knows you are weary and heavy laden. God loves you. He wants to cradle you in His arms and help you regain your balance.

God can give you rest for your soul.

Yes, you can live under a constant weight of past hurts like many people are carrying, like a backpack full of rejection and hurt. Yet, you don’t need to, and why would you want to? God says, “Here, let Me take it. Give it to Me. I will help you. Trust Me with your wounds and disappointments.”

Until you give it to Him, God cannot help you.

It will take effort to do so. The process will involve a separation from the burden. The good news is that you don’t do it alone or in your own strength. God is there to help you, and He always shows up. Trust Him.

• First, come to Jesus. His arms are open wide to all who will come.
• Second, believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. Christ will forgive your sins. Read John 3.
• Third, trust Jesus to help you. Christ is trustworthy.
• Fourth, tell Him your troubles and ask Him to help you.
• Fifth, read Matthew 11:28. Center your thoughts in what he offers you.
• Sixth, seek godly counsel. Find someone who is knowledgeable in Christian truth.

God is trustworthy and kind. He will help you.

Comment: If you live in the Chico area, The Growing Place is a place I recommend for Christian counseling.  Transformational Prayer Ministry aka Theophostic Prayer Ministry is also highly recommended.

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