I am a bit dispirited as I write this. The past several days have immersed my siblings and me into a complicated dance of what, when, who, why, how, now, next, should, could… and so forth. We are in a situation where the direction is unknown, the dynamics are unclear, and the details are uncomfortable. It involves a couple of issues related to our father’s welfare, happiness, and well-being, though not a physical crisis or anything of that sort. This is a more sensitive, private matter.
It is further complicated by other needs.
The whole thing is rather delicate. My heart is heavy. You have to be truthful. You have to consider every angle. You have to say things that are uncomfortable but necessary. I also, quite frankly, am scared of what could be, might be, will be, or should be. The tenseness is alive, though not adversarial. My body lets me know when it’s not happy with me. There are the tension headaches, the fuzzy memory, the emotional eating, an inability to relax, and less energy for writing and doing.
Worry does that to you.
The adult-child caregiver role has its blessings. But also its challenges. I look at my father and feel tender love. He is a good father. He has always been good. He is a gentleman. His gracious spirit is a delightful part of his personality. Professionals in the medical field have said that Dad makes them think of Jimmy Stewart, with his lean frame and his way of speaking. My dad loves to talk of his life as a child on the dairy farm, his teen years with a group of chums from the church, and his venture into farming in Northern California when my siblings and I were in grade school.
But life goes on.
You want to do the right thing. You soon find out, it’s easier said, than done. Today I am troubled in my spirit. I look in my spiritual mirror and see a few blemishes that God needs to change in me. I don’t like what I see. It saddens me. The Holy Spirit nudged, and got my attention. I listened. I stilled my soul. I was startled by this new awareness of self and its fragility, like one reads in Isaiah, “Woe is me! for I am undone.”
Praying is my go-to activity whenever I am mystified.
- I am praying from the heart.
- I am bothered by the things I said that were not easy to say… but seemed necessary. My peace-maker heart is not fully at peace.
- I am praying for God to redeem the things that are not good, to bring about spiritual life, healing, and grace where they are needed most.
- I pray God will bring this to pass in the beautiful way of God.
Christ hears the cry of the heart.
Christ is able to deliver from sin to make alive to spiritual life. He awakens the soul to set it free. Like a bird that’s been set free, the latch is unlocked and the caged bird now flies free. A soul goes from death to life when belief in Jesus Christ–His death, burial, and resurrection–is of the heart, mind, and soul. You and I are not just marking time, no, no. We are here for a spiritual reason. To God be the glory.
“Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” Acts 4:12 (NIV)
Today I am also burdened to pray for a certain person’s soul. This person needs Jesus. I know God has given me this burden. My brother has opened the door to share Christ’s truth with this dear one who needs the gift of eternal life. I believe now is the day of salvation. I prayed several times today with an urgency impressed on me twenty-four hours ago.
My brother and father left on a road trip yesterday. Dad will travel to see family in Oregon, Washington, and Idaho. My sister sent some cell phone pictures. My Dad looks happy. It is nice to see him smiling and relaxed at a ranch in Oregon with his granddaughter and three great-grandchildren. In one photo he is holding the baby on his lap. In another, he’s petting a kitty. And another, feeding a cow. The trip had been in the planning stages for a couple months. I think God was in it all along. A break in the action can bring relief.
God knows what He is doing.
What’s going on in your life? Is it hard or easy? The Covid has messed with everybody. So I assume it’s not been a picnic for you, either. I leave you with three questions and three answers.
- Do you know Jesus? You can know Him today.
- What is the hardest thing in your life right now? You can trust Him with it. He will help you, guide you, and listen to you.
- What is the best thing in your life right now? Praise God for it.
There is no time like the present to give your life to Jesus Christ. If this is you, will you trust Christ today? He loves you so much.
Be blessed.
Photo by Irina Iriser, Unsplash
