Category Archives: Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Restoration

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When Your Needs Are Unmet

God Comes In. . .

It breaks my heart when a person unloads a bushel of injustices and pain-filled experiences on me, and then sobs as she says, “I just want to be loved.” I remember feeling that way. I was the one thinking I just want to be loved. In my case it wasn’t really true. It just felt that way.

Don’t we all just want to be loved?

He was only a boy but all he knew from his parents was pain and rejection. Even worse, they were cruel to him. Their participation in Satanic ritual colored their treatment of him. He was packing heat at an early age to protect himself from his parents. He knew little kindness as a child.

How do you make sense of something like that?

I became his friend in a roundabout way. We both participated in a writing community. I came to admire and respect him in a phenomenal way. His breadth of knowledge was unsurpassed by any in the group. He has a quick mind. He has risen above the circumstances of his life. He is rough around the edges and tough in many respects. Yet he has learned to love. He makes it his mission to encourage people. God has helped him overcome.

One day he shared with me the horribleness of his childhood. He had not the benefit of nurture or love. It is not surprising that he loves dogs that have been abandoned and provides a home for many of them. The dogs are left in the high desert sands to die. He rescues them and gives them safe haven. Some have been wounded and abused. He loves them all.

No one should be or feel unwanted.

But they do. We do too, at times. Unfortunately, some have known such a life. Their needs went unmet. Their persona has been partially shaped by put-downs and sarcasm. Their self-worth as a human is shaky.

As you read this your heart may be beating fast. You may have a headache that won’t go away, and your thoughts are taking you down a rabbit trail to an event(s) in your past. Maybe you were embarrassed, humiliated or were mistreated. You know you have unmet needs and unhealed hurts. You push their memory into your secret archive of past injustices.

Invasion of a soul is not a pretty thing.

You know, it takes courage to overcome devastation. It takes bravery to face the pain of your past. You have to persevere, and it’s a hard thing to do. You know there is love in this world. You are given the task of finding it. But it’s so hard and possibly you don’t know how to love purely, without self-centeredness causing problems.

All of us have unmet needs. Some needs are more severe than other ones. If you tend to be negative in your thoughts, this indicates that there is something that needs addressing (I know about this!). Unmet needs signify that there’s a lack within you, like a hole that needs filling.

That hole is in your soul. You’re going to need some help to heal.

Your past is impacted by the present. God is a gracious God. He is willing and able to show you your need and then give you the tools to mend and repair your soul. Let God in. Let the bad stuff go. Allow God to heal what needs healing. It can happen. You can become healthy and whole. It’s a process of many steps (and you may need some help).

Never lose sight of God’s willingness to help you. You may come to your darkest hour but “God is on the bathroom floor” (Nightbirde). He meets you there.

      • God loves you.
      • He promises to help you.
      • Call out to Him.

Come to Jesus.

Write down your needs that weren’t and aren’t being met. Ask God to repair your emotional injuries. Ask Him to show you what you need to become a whole and an emotionally healthy individual. Seek answers, spiritual answers to your person-specific problems.

Overcoming takes time. This journey takes a sifting through your past with an eye to the future. Imagine Jesus walking with you as you face whatever that holds you back.

I have found that the more that I heal, the more free I become. It’s like the monkey is off my back. It allows space to free up what was walled off by my damaged emotions.

This is a continuous journey. Persevere through. Keep learning, listening, and waiting. God is not finished with you yet.

We are in this together.

I have learned that you don’t have to live life with a dead spot in your soul. Have you noticed how hurting people often hurt others. What’s deep inside comes out in our closest relationships. Do it for others if not for yourself. Holding onto grievances is in this camp, too. Harbored resentment and bitterness deadens us inside. Let them go. They aren’t healthy for your soul.

The good news is that we don’t have to battle it alone. You can’t do it in your own strength anyway. God is only a prayer away. He sees the intentions of our hearts. He picks us up when we stumble. He applauds our effort. He surrounds us with His love, even when we don’t feel it.

I’m so glad there’s hope. I’m so glad God saves and redeems. I’m so thankful I don’t have to do it in my own strength. I’m grateful Jesus is walking with me. I praise Him for His abundant mercies that are never exhausted.

Embrace your spiritual journey.

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Career – The Rest of the Story #5

Attending Graduate School

In 1989 I became involved in the public school arena by volunteering in my children’s classrooms and later serving as a substitute teacher. We moved down from the mountains to my hometown so I could attend graduate school. My life became very busy. I was an instructional aide in the mornings, taught a disabled boy in the afternoons, and went to university classes two nights a week for six hours each.

My kids weren’t too happy about my busyness. I didn’t have time to bake bread and cookies anymore and dinners were not what they had been. It was a big push. I never had time to relax. In time, I updated my credential and began teaching part-time. A few years later, I decided to become a reading specialist, a two-year commitment of Monday night classes.

A Career Woman

I worked hard to become marketable. I hoped this would help me land a full-time teaching position and find a home for my professional career. By then, I was in my early forties and starting to feel like I was running out of time to establish a career in education. Then, finally, in 2004 I was hired full-time as a reading specialist for Hamilton Union Elementary School.

This was my favorite professional experience. Teaching involved reading intervention groups and also subsequent leadership opportunities. I directed seven aides, ran an assessment program, co-led a bully prevention program, and co-led a school wide intervention program. Budget cuts eventually necessitated a return to the regular classroom. By this time, I was writing a book, which was published in 2012.

Farming on the Side

As a side job, since 1996, I leased a 23-acre walnut orchard from my parents. The income the orchard generated aided me in funding a portion of my children’s university tuition. In addition, it helped keep the family afloat during the lean years. I farmed the orchard for twenty years.

Also I was very busy in the church in the AWANA ministry and children’s ministry. I was given the task of creating a women’s ministry during this time. I grew as my women grew with me. This time was enjoyable and rewarding.

Sadly, my 21 year marriage ended in 2002, but not without much pain, duress, hurt, and heartache for all of us. I have been a single parent ever since and have never remarried. A child custody battle ensued, which caused additional stress.

The Downward Slope

What follows from here on contains a brief description of my life’s ups and downs.

Over the course of the years many things would present difficulties in my life, which caused me much pain. In some of my writings, you observe me sharing the hard stuff and how God ministered to me through them. It does not seem appropriate to list them right now. Just know that I suffered much pain but never quit believing that God loved me. God always sustained me and sent people my way to befriend me. I am grateful for each one who had a part in my life.

There were a few major earthquakes. These I will mention in brief: I was abandoned two times. I lost a sibling to suicide. My mate didn’t stay true. I experienced the pain of unexpected job loss and hardship caused by job uncertainty. I experienced a breakdown. I went through the distress of an 18-month custody battle. This list in not exhaustive.

Hitting The Wall

On my 50th birthday.

Through it all, I would learn to lean hard on God’s ever-sufficient grace. Eventually, there came a time when I was in so much pain that I couldn’t bear up any longer. I hit the wall. And then another wall. And another. My recovery came in increments. Little by little, piece by piece, deep gut-wrenching letting go of all that had wounded me so I could look at it, see what it meant, and give it to God. I had to give it all to God to let Him take over and make me anew. It was the best thing I ever did.

He taught me to trust Him. He taught me that He is enough. I learned I could lean on Him in the direst of circumstances. God showed me His soft side. He kept me in the palm of His hand. He brought me new life out of an old, beaten, overwhelmed life. I found joy. I discovered peace. He raised me up. He made me whole. He showed me that my suffering was not for naught, it was for gain. God became very real to me and met my inner need.

. . .

Go here to hear Norma’s Testimonial and how she recovered.

More next week.