Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Restoration | Norma L. Brumbaugh

When it leads to a breakdown

A breakdown can change your life forever. At age thirty-three my body betrayed me. It could no longer handle the pressure I’d been living under nor the emotional drain it caused in me. I couldn’t sleep, my body was tense and became sleep-deprived, so much so that I was afraid to drive and would ask my mother to drive me to town. Eating was difficult, my stomach churned while my skin prickled with nerves. This new me was a vulnerable me. Nervous illness made mothering my three young children a daily challenge, I felt so unwell and sick every moment of every day. Recovery took four years of toughing it out. Information in Hope and Help for Your Nerves helped me with overcoming.

From that point on, I would not handle stress well. Even today the symptoms begin to return when life is pitching obstacles at me. I feel the skin sensitivity, the knot in my stomach, and the inner shakiness. When that happens, I know I am in danger zone and better pay attention. I don’t ever want to fall apart again which means I will have to take action spiritually, physically, and mentally, and sometimes it means I have to make some hard choices.

It all starts somewhere

I don’t like unsettled feelings. There, I said it. Lately, my emotions have been all over the place. I’ve felt nerves in the pit of my stomach. I awaken in the middle of the night and then toss and turn for an hour, or two, or three. A host of worries parade through my mind and seem more grave in the darkness. I get this. I’ve been here before.

I can even name it. It’s apprehension, mostly. The apprehension is caused by uncertainty. Uncertainty feeds indecision. Indecision blasts forth and causes confusion, which breeds frustration. And frustration robs peace. None of that is good. I know myself pretty well by now, and if I let that thing take root it will do a number on me as it has in the past.

How it works

I become tense. My joy disappears. I become worried, and I don’t trust in God like I should. When I awaken in the night and know sleep will refuse to return, I make myself relax. I imagine softness and count the items that bring soft pleasure like cotton, satin, smooth skin. I recite scripture verses. I play mind games. I read a boring book. I go on my IPad and check the fb newsfeed. I count ten good things from the day just ended. I pray.

Worries, though, are hard to chase away. They are stubborn and get their hooks in you. Worries will cause us to fixate on them, the many fears that are real, not mere imaginings. They are bigger than my ability to manage or fix. I am vulnerable to their manipulation. They make me feel powerless. That scary feeling, the helpless feeling, is when I know I am in over my head and can’t manage it without my Heavenly Father.

What to do

Mentally, prayerfully, I begin to hand the worries to God, worry by worry. Then I sort of reboot. I seek God with a renewed fervor. I ask him for help. I ask him for insights. I ask him for direction. I ask him to guide my thoughts and to renew my mind. I ask for joy and peace. I trust him to help me face what is ahead, because he delivers. Without fail, he always does.

But that’s a lot of asking. However, I would rather ask than keep on keeping on and sinking deeper and deeper. When I’m out in left field, I can get back in the game if two things happen. 1. I choose to turn in the right direction. 2. I seek God to help me. Otherwise, I’ll be miserable, and I will be on shakey ground spiritually. Two choices. Quicksand? or the solid Rock?

Last night I felt fear knocking at my door because of a new responsibiliy in my court. In overwhelm, I prayed, “In Christ, please help me. I need your help. I can’t do this without your help. Thank you for the help you will give me and for the many times you have rescued me. I can’t do it without you.” Today was a big day with a significant appointment, but it went okay and the tension headache is gone. Praise God. Thank you, Jesus.

On the other hand

The other side of this coin is about when you feel hijacked by difficult and demanding circumstances. Those times you can’t make it work or get all the pieces to fit the way they should. (Ever had that?) When too many difficult situations, too many responsibilities, too many issues –physical health, emotional health, and relational health– bombard you in a short period of time; when work, finances, family, and other entities are vying for your energy; when your well-being is compromised; when this happens, it’s probably not a spiritual problem, rather, it is real life in the raw and you’re going to get a spiritual tune-up out of it.

You have to wade through the messiness and handle the stress to get to the other side. It may take a little while or a long time. That is when you cling to the Lord to get you through the thing. That’s when trusted friends hold your hand. That’s when Scripture comes alive. That’s when you come to the end of yourself and cling to the Savior… who saves you and lifts you and keeps you and ministers to you. He is life, incredible living, eternal life to you. You need him so much. I need him so much.

Christ delivers. He is the Shepherd and we are the sheep. The Good Shepherd takes care of his sheep and the sheep know his voice. We come to him when we are weary and heavy laden, and he gives us rest. Trust him for this. He is our hiding place. He is our comfort. He is our rest. He is our help in troubled times. He is our ‘Peace be still’ when we are afraid in the raging storm. He’s in the boat with us. Aren’t you glad? Praises!

Christ is able.

Amen.

If you think you’re pug-ugly, it’s a bold-faced lie. You’re beautiful. Someone needs to tell you that, so I will.

What We All Need

A universal need in all humans is the need to know they are wanted. When this is in doubt it will become a problem for them. Strong performance in any area can masquerade as acceptance should the outcome be equated with their being wanted by the significant others in their life.

Being wanted is something we as humans crave and expect. And why not? Everyone deserves to be wanted and should be wanted. A conflicted perception will arise and cause us to ask a telling question when our sense of “being wanted” is in doubt.

We ask ourselves questions like this, “Do they want, like, love me for who I am or do they want, like, love me for what I do?” “Do they want, like, love me for what I look like? provide? or financially support?” I remember asking myself this question in my marriage those times when I wasn’t sure of my mate’s affection and love. I saw myself in a deficit position because the outcome hadn’t delivered the goods.

We want to be wanted, liked, and loved for who we are. People learn to perform to gain the acceptance of others. Lines of acceptance are often tied to conditions. Parents, beware of equating performance with acceptance and approval. Do you withhold affection or acceptance when your child messes up? Be careful. Some things should never be used as a punishment tool. You can break or damage a child’s spirit. Be careful with your child’s emotions. Negative imprints can stamp your child for life.

An elderly woman told me her father frequently called her “Pug-ugly.” After her father passed away, she was looking at some photos from her youth. “I wasn’t ugly?” she expressed in a surprised voice. An older relative heard her and said, “Your father thought you were the cutest little girl ever. He called you pug-ugly so you wouldn’t get the big head.” All those years she saw herself as pug-ugly. How unfortunate. That was a word curse she never knew was a falsity until she was a grown woman.

A relational structure–as in family, professional, or intimate–which withholds acceptance until it is earned, that insinuates acceptance is conditional, that infers a person’s value is arbitrary, granted more to some and less to others, creates tension in its lesser-valued, lesser-wanted, lesser-accepted members. Thoughtless, unkind words attack a vulnerable person’s inward sense of self and their self-worth and can deftly destroy self-image as it attacks and erodes their fragile person-hood.

To meet this human need, to know they are wanted, loved, and valued, takes people to extreme lengths to find it. Even then it may not deliver. People devoid of nurturing love and human bonding–with its negative realization of having been denied the basic components of self-worth–are in a deficit position.

This is true of them until love is freely offered, and they are able to receive love without doubt, suspicion or fear, and they know their trust is well-placed. Some severely, emotionally damaged individuals may not be able to receive love when their scarring runs deep. An insidious dearth of emotional health has damaged their ability to access and apprehend love.

Those individuals whom have been hurt deeply will heal slowly. Wounds can heal, but they leave scars. I know this because I have experienced it. My injury went deep. A few years later after two decades of blight, I experienced the warmth of acceptance and love. Once I knew I was loved in the right way, the realization made me cry.

To know I was accepted and valued by a man I deeply respected was like a healing grace. I saw it in his eyes. I felt it in his touch. This love was all the more sweet because of the lacks I had experienced before in an empty union. Rejection had marked me and kept me trapped in a cycle of pain. Knowing I was loved and valued helped modulate the residual wounds caused by not being loved well or valued for who I am. Make sense?

A strong sense of healthy-self is an aspect of the spiritual side of the human condition. I am happy to say that God is in the restoration business. He helps us achieve wholeness in a highly personal way. One of the joys of spiritual life is that you know you are wanted, and not only wanted but loved . . . with a pure, holy, love without conditions. Knowing this love produces an inner peace and fullness of joy.

Wholeness brings richness to your life. A person’s inner soul-need is met and abundant life is actualized through the full-bodied transforming love of God. God assigns value to all his children. He does not withhold affection from the poor performers or the ones struggling with life. Instead, he helps each one by assisting them in their spiritual journey.

We come to God with the innocent trust of a child. He welcomes us like a kind, loving, doting parent. Christ says “Forbid not the children to come to me for such is the kingdom of heaven,” and that’s us. For those whom have yet to experience what it is to be loved without strings, I’m glad to say you can find that kind of love in Christ. We mess up but that is not cause for being discarded or unwanted. “For God so loved the world.”

Embrace the love.

Norma L. Brumbaugh

CONNECTING WITH GOD IN EVERYDAY LIFE

Category Archives: Healing, Overcoming, Pain, Restoration

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