Category Archives: Christian Life

Posted on

A Question I Couldn’t Answer

Q & A

YESTERDAY I was asked a question I couldn’t answer. I was tempted to give a pat answer but that is unsatisfactory, and I knew it. Authenticity requires an honest answer . . . and honesty said I needed to think on it.

Two hours later we were still talking, by then I had an inkling of what I wanted to say in reply to her question. I queried for clarity as I danced around the central theme. We zeroed in and it became clear. It was a great question, one that more people should ask. She’d even gone to CBD to see if there were any Christian books that could help.

She wanted to know if I know of any books that explain how to prepare yourself for the stressful event, books that have information that will help you to prepare in advance and help prevent you from going backwards when said trouble comes.

My friend knows she is stronger than she used to be but that doesn’t help when the hard thing comes, when she finds herself returning to that painful place–being strong, then hurting, crying, struggling, regrouping–and then going forward again. She’d like to skip that middle part. I get it. So would I.

My Turn

The same thing happened to me this year. I was slipping backwards and knew it. And I didn’t like it because of the pain, sense of rejection and failure. It bothered me that I wasn’t stronger in my Christian walk, which left me feeling deflated and miserable. How much it reminded me that life is difficult and people are complicated. I knew what she was saying.

See what I mean? It was a key question; how to have victory before, during, and after the troubling event without the disappointment and pain. Is it possible? But I didn’t have much of an answer. I didn’t know of any book that is adequate to meet the need except the Bible, and said so. The Source is God and always will be. The closer we are to Him the better we do. She and I talked about how God walks with us and how He is enough. “Christ is the answer,” I said, and know it to be true.

The struggle is with our emotions, how they sabotage and give brain fog, and then it goes down hill from there because of our distancing from God. Soon it becomes a harder effort to remain living fully “in Christ” even though we wish it. He didn’t move; we did.

It should be possible to be so STRONG in the Lord that we are not blown away by adversity. We learn to recognize the signs, this one’s going to be hard. We know we will make it without falling apart, this is true. We already know lessons are learned in this place of adversity and struggle that stick with us for life. That part of it is good.

People do notice. Her family notices her strength. She was put in a strange emotionally charged situation last week where her strength of will and God’s strength (within her) carried her through in a remarkable way. Her son-in-law was impressed and said so. But the tears came once she was home alone. I’m that way too. I can get through the crisis with my dignity intact but then the release comes once the pressure valve is released (like an air pressure tank, PSSSssssss). You deflate.

I’ll be thinking on this for awhile now. I’m that way. I’ll worry it through until some answers come. Truly, I do believe Christ is the answer.

Do you have any suggestions for her? Seriously.

I’d like to know what you think.

Posted on

Established by God

Do you know who you really are?

That is a good question. We have an image we project outwardly. This image alters somewhat depending on who we are with and what we are doing. There is the inner person, our hidden self. This side of us is well protected behind invisible walls and layers of practiced behaviors. And there is the natural self, where our abilities thrive and flourish. These are the areas we are good at and know we’re good at. The spiritual side is also present. Sometimes it is subverted and other times it is encouraged.

We are complex creatures.

But do we know ourselves or do we only know what we project to others? It is good to deconstruct our outward perceptions from our real identity. What people have said about us, whether good or bad, can factor in on how we view ourselves. Comparison to others is also an unworthy test measurement. We are either valuing (more) or devaluing (less). Like the woman vocalist who came in top place for the second group of vocal contestants, she said, “I was the worst of the best (vocal contestants) and the best of the worst (vocal contestants).” She had ranked herself according to the outcome.

We are who we are, nothing more, and nothing less.

Often we see our worth and value according to our performance and achievements. That is not the whole story at all. Our value was established by God. He is our creator. He is our life-giver. He is our lover. We were worth a Son to Him. That is high value, indeed. Christ came to earth and then died a sinner’s death because of you, me, and all the people in the world. His self-sacrifice is mind boggling. You are worth loving.

You are uniquely you and that is a good thing.

I can not think of anything more boring than if we were carbon copies of one another. Should all people share identical DNA, cloned reproductions, it would not be the best thing for society. We need what everyone brings to the table. You have gifts and abilities, insights and aspirations that are all your own. I’ve taken painting classes where we all paint the same picture, but our pictures are not identical. I’ve taken cooking classes where we all make the same recipe, but our finished presentations look and taste a little bit different.

That is because we are not replicas, we are originals.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

  • Maybe we should quit complaining about what we don’t like about ourselves and accept what is true about ourselves.
  • Maybe we should discover the buried treasure deep within us and quit listening to others tell us what we are.
  • Maybe we should pay attention to our hidden layers and overcome them with truth and dignity, healing and grace.
  • Maybe we should extend grace to other people who are different than us.
  • Maybe we should allow the truth of who we are to enter in and diffuse within us.
  • Maybe we should deal with our stuff and become whole and new.
  • Maybe we should accept ourselves and be okay with it.

There was a woman I knew with the kindest heart but saw herself as a nothing. During childhood she was unkindly treated. She married, but her mate carried on the tradition of treating her as a nothing. Later, divorced with two children, she found a lifesaver at a little baptist church. There, a man in the church fell in love with her. He treated her the best, told her she was beautiful and treated her as such, but she still could barely lift her head in public. She and him had a ministry in the church.

They worked side by side bringing disadvantaged children to church.

Then he passed on. She was utterly devastated. Her husband was the only man/person (she thought) that fully valued her excepting her pastor. She never quite recovered from losing him. Last year this lady passed away. At her memorial service the church was packed full to overflowing with people whom she had impacted, that had loved her. They spoke up, the children who came to church with her and her husband. The lonely kids whom she had befriended. I shared a story of how she touched my oldest daughter’s life by coming along side and helping her face a difficulty and then giving my daughter a dainty sterling silver necklace to say she was proud of her. This gentle soul wouldn’t have believed it, that so many would be touched at her passing, because she didn’t see herself as a person to be valued.

Just like her, you matter more than you realize.

You are a daughter or a son of a king. And that king loves you more than you will ever know. God wants the best for you and that best is Him. He will help you where you hurt. He will cleanse you where you’ve been stained by sin and pain. And He will create in you a clean heart when you ask Him to.

Praise God for this.