Category Archives: Christian Life

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THE PROBLEM with MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

Life can catch us unawares and that’s how it was that day. The day was a normal day in all respects. I’d completed my quiet time, spent an hour on social media, which means posting and connecting on my Twitter and FaceBook author/writing pages to create presence, connections, and a platform. My mind was full with my plans for the day.

My Concern

I’d had a big concern for someone I can’t give you the particulars about. That morning I was extra burdened and discouraged. I was worried and fearful that the person’s choices were leading to greater heartache and could become self-destructive and dangerous (not illegal). I am a trusted person in this individual’s life. I truly didn’t know what to do and was weary with its taxing burden.

Let me explain. The ‘taxing burden’ stemmed from a belief that says you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped and that a person won’t change until they want to change and wants to change bad enough to do the hard work it takes to change. I wasn’t seeing this ‘want to change’ in her. All I saw was blaming and excusing.

I had lost sight of the truth of my mission in life, to see every person in my path as someone to love. Sometimes we get weary in well-doing. We wonder what’s the point.

And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. –Galatians 6:9 KJV

Missed Opportunities

While thinking about all this, the Lord spoke in my spirit. “You’ve missed opportunities with ‘this person.'” The message was saying to me, you are missing opportunities to be salt and light to this woman and her children. It startled me. I wasn’t expecting that. I’d sort of been frustrated with the situation, not knowing how to reach her in a meaningful way. I’d allowed myself to ‘fail’ at being who I needed to be to this daughter of the King.

Thinking it Through

The rest of the day I couldn’t get it out of my head. As always, to see the thing with an objective lens, I looked at my back trail, what I had done and what I had not done, and where I had missed opportunities. Suddenly I understood how I could minister to her differently, where I could step in and not miss opportunities, and why I should put effort into her life and her family’s life.

What to Do

Most of all, I knew God was in it. He had prompted me. He had shown me my lack so I might be refreshed and revitalized in helping her. That day I set about making a list of ways I could bless this woman and her family, without any expectation of getting something in return. I committed myself (that always helps) to doing certain activities that would show her she is loved, special, and valued. I would trust God for the rest, for Him to do what only He can do.

How It is Going

The first thing I did was make a home cooked meal for her and the family and took it to them. It was appreciated. When Covid-19 entered the picture, I couldn’t do the things I had planned, other than phone conversations. But the thing is, I now know I don’t want to miss any more opportunities. Hence, I’m focused rather than frustrated.

Two Other Regrets

I missed two other opportunities this past year, where I thought of reaching out but didn’t. One was with a childhood friend I had finally located on FaceBook. A couple months later her husband posted that she had passed away. O my heart. How sad I felt. I’d never sent her a private message or said anything personal to her, which I regretted immediately.

The other is with a younger person, a relative, who worked near where I live. She is now moving out of the area. My heart sank when I read her announcement a couple of days ago. She has been on my mind a lot. I’d been thinking I should invite her for lunch or take lunch to her. Basically, that I should connect with her and develop a closer relationship. But I didn’t do it though I hoped to soon. Actually, I was planning to when Covid-19 interrupted life.

No Regrets

I say all this to share with you that we should act on the promptings, not ignore or put off doing the things our mind tells us we ought to be doing. Otherwise, we may miss important opportunities to reach out to others in our path who may need the acknowledgement and care.

Sooner than Later

Time is short. We never know when the opportunity will pass and the regrets will come. Write that email. Call them. Send a card. Meet for lunch. Get together (once we can). Just do it.

Photo by NordWood Themes, Unsplash
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HOW TO DEAL with DISAPPOINTMENT

When We’re Hurt

One of the stressful areas of spiritual life is knowing how to deal with major and minor disappointments. We want to handle disappointments correctly. However, pain, hurt, and disillusionment tend to cause fall-out in our emotions. We may react in one of several ways.

I had three stressful disappointments in the last three years that involve people I care about. All of the disappointments were difficult to deal with emotionally because I was wounded. I cried. I was hurt. I felt unappreciated and thought my opinions were devalued. All three were people wounds. Barriers came up that caused strain in these relationships.

When We’re a Christian

Because I care about my spiritual life and my walk with God, I can’t allow myself to remain immersed in the pain or allow myself to submerge very long in angry bitterness and resentment. I don’t want to have bad feelings towards others, yet I have a hard time when something seems unjust or unwarranted. Unfair treatment is very difficult to get over, but for God.

A disappointed person will probably do one of the following three: They allow bitterness to thrive, or they ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen, or they deal with it in a pro-active way. We all have choices: Some healthy, some not so much. From what I’ve observed, most people ignore the pain and anger. They just go on as if they weren’t just hit by a Mack truck.

When It’s a Spiritual Battle

For me, I have to work it through until I’m on the other side of it. When the disappointment causes me to experience deep pain to where I am hurting, angry, feeling rejected and disrespected, and exasperated by not being valued appropriately, I know it is going to take time, maybe months, for me to fully recover. For some the process goes faster since personalities differ.

It can involve talking it through with someone you trust, like a friend, family member, pastor, or therapist. You learn it’s a process of addressing the issue, learning more about what happened, letting go of the reins–you stop trying to make it turn out right, maybe confronting the issue and person, maybe forgiving, and always rebuilding and restoring your wounded self. Most importantly, you seek God to guide you through it.

When You Want to Do the Right Thing

How to handle disappointments with a spiritual mindset is determined by what you value on the spiritual side of life. In your natural state you can build up or tear down yourself and others. I value peace, my human relationships, healthy community, and my relationship with God. That’s why I choose to deal with it and not ignore it. (It can be hard work, too.)

After the reacting settles down, I’m not content to remain in a miserable space or at odds with others. I won’t be satisfied until I’m in a good space, no matter how long it takes me get there, to where I return to peace with myself, others, and God. Sometimes I discover that I unwittingly contributed to the problem, which is good to know, or I took something too personally, which is also good to know.

Here’s a process that’s helpful:

  1. Go to God about it.
  2. Acknowledge why it caused you pain.
  3. Seek to give it to God while you let the anger and frustration go.
  4. Ask yourself what you can learn through this.
  5. Thank God for being with you and helping you through it.

That doesn’t mean you are a doormat, that you have no opinions, that you never speak up when you’ve been wronged or something’s hurtful. What it does mean is that you intention to be better, not bitter, that you will address it, and not ignore it, and that you will learn something from it. Usually disappointments have spiritual components that cause you to put down roots in your faith.

The goal is to bring it to God first. Let Him help you walk through it–while you keep your eye of faith held fast on your Savior.