We, at times, wonder where God is at. We wonder why he hasn’t intervened. We wonder about ourselves. We wonder where we have fallen short, where we have failed, if we’ve been heading a wrong direction or wasting time pursuing a dream. It is confusing at best.
I went to a high school graduation tonight. It was a celebration for the students graduating. That part was wonderful. But it was also a sad day because, most likely, this is the school’s final class of graduates. Unless God intervenes, the school will be closing its doors permanently in the next few weeks. It is a private Christian high school. Originally it served 7th-12th grades. For the past four years many folks, most of them parents, have been trying to save the school. Some risked a lot to try to bring the school back to life, to resuscitate it when it seemed to be on the countdown to life-support. For the past two years, four teachers and a principal have served with little or no pay because they believed in its mission. Because of declining enrollment, some stepped aside and some moved on though they wanted to stay. When things are heading south, people start bailing. It was this way for the school. Prayer has been ongoing. Many didn’t want to let it go. They believed in the school. The problem is, you have to have students to have a school. And families in the area were no longer supporting the effort.
It makes me sad. I remember back when the school was started by a handful of parents some twenty-four years ago. It was started on prayer and a need. All five of my children attended the school for junior high and my youngest, for five years. We scraped money together to afford it.
Tonight the probable closing of the school was announced. I talked with the principal and others. All the time I was thinking about the vision that started the school and the way God brought it into existence. One of my friends was instrumental in its founding. Things fell into place and it was one of those remarkable God-things. I felt a down-pull as my emotions pooled in a state of nostalgia. It seemed strange to me that there were so few in attendance as this noble institution is spluttering to its quiet end. But I don’t like it. I feel the Christian community has abandoned the school by not caring or supporting it well. But am I to judge this? I think not.
Where is God in this? What is his will? What part do we take ownership of? Where have we failed? Truly I do not have answers. I only have questions. There are times when we seek to understand but the answers seem to elude us. Yet we persevere on. We know God is good so we accept what he give us. We sacrifice and follow him even when the trail is not well-marked and the signposts are unclear. When it comes down to it, we realize that we must be obedient and trusting despite everything else. We cannot always effect change. There is much that God does not reveal to us, and that is okay. But it can be hard to discern whether to stop or go when we’re up against it.
Two years ago the school almost closed, enrollment was not looking good, the school’s physical location was a problem, teachers were in limbo. An important meeting was held to discuss this, former students and their parents were invited. My daughter and I decided to attend even though we had switched out one year prior in order for her to pursue an education in a charter high school which offered an emphasis in musical training. It was decision time for the school board. They saw little hope. They said it was over. Then one pastor stood in the gap and championed the cause. The pastor spoke up. He said that he felt God wanted him to help save the school, not that he needed another something to do. He told us that night, that he had promised God that he would step up if nobody else did…and nobody else did. He said to those in the room, let’s give it two more weeks and see if there are X amount of students. If so, he thought the school should remain open.
My daughter’s heart started pounding. On the way home she said to me that she felt God wanted her to return. I found my thoughts disagreeing, I felt it would be a poor decision because the fine arts school had the better opportunities and she was happy there. However, she was fairly convinced this was God’s leading, and I could not be against that part. We decided to pray about it for a week, but it felt like we were praying cross-purposes. That week was a long one. The talk, when it came, lasted for hours into the wee hours of the morning. Finally, she said to me through her tears, “You’ve always told me to follow where God leads me, to do his will. I’ve been praying for months for God to show me. I believe God wants me at CCS. No, it’s not where I prefer to go, but I believe it is where God wants me to go.” End of argument. That convinced me that I should support her. With that, my daughter left a school where she was thriving to finish her senior year at the Christian high school where she would be the only senior. She was its lone graduate in 2015.
After his speech that night, a few others followed the pastor. He gave it his all. He became president of the board. The school moved to a different location, to a place that had been vacant for ten years, a former athletic facility. Hard working people poured money, blood, sweat and tears into making it work. They refinished, refurbished, rebuilt areas of the building. They advertised, they visited churches, they talked it up. But the finances didn’t come in and the students didn’t enroll. A few months later they were shut out. It was a defeat. The pastor believed in the mission with his whole heart. But it was too much or too late. I’ve been told by a source that when this happened to the school, the pastor knew it was time to move out of the way, that his time was up and the chips would fall where they were going to fall. He stepped down mid-year, a disheartened and discouraged man. I know he fulfilled the test. He was like David going to defeat Goliath, he was courageous, but he and the school never had the opportunity for a victory dance. Yet God knew his heart and I believe there is a reward waiting for him in glory. Things don’t always turn out right or the way we believe they should even when we are doing it for the Lord and are convinced he is in it.
What we must do is to remain steadfast in what God gives us to do. When it is over, it is then that we must accept the proverbial closed door even though we would rather not. The success comes with how we face the struggle, how we live it, and how we trust God in it. We can’t measure the worthiness of something by human effort or standards of success. God is in control and we are not.
