An Uncomfortable Subject: Suicide

I’ve written about this before. We don’t want to talk about it, and we really don’t like to listen to others talk about it. I’m talking about suicide. There’s no easy way to talk about suicide. Unfortunately, suicide comes into many conversations these days. I suppose it’s not surprising with the way our society is spinning out of control. But I’d rather not go there especially now when so much is against us. But this is the month that gives me an appropriate pause, for my sister took her own life in September. My family didn’t expect it nor did they expect how it would change our lives. There’s no going back after a suicide.

Remember Robin William and His Suicide

I’m not a movie buff, but I saw enough of Robin William’s acting to know there was something extraordinary about him and his acting. His will made his suicide became one of those tragic losses you remember and don’t forget, like Princess Di in a car crash and President Kennedy when he was shot. The upset about William’s death left a residual impact on a family, school, community, nation, and world. Suicide has a ripple effect that touches everything in its path.

My Family’s Impact from a Suicide

My family was a devout family of Christian believers. Suicide touched us all. I now rarely think of my sister nor think of how we lost her. It doesn’t take much, though, and my mind hitches a ride back to her death by suicide and exactly how much it affected me and my family. There are no words. I can’t tell you exactly how awful it is to lose your loved one by their own hand. My sister was beautiful, talented, and successful woman. Her life touched many lives. The sorrow of her death almost buried us. Disbelief and sadness engulfed our days as we traveled to Oregon to say goodbye, bury. to her. It’s a terribly harsh thing, even now.

Even My Kids Couldn’t Help but Be Sidelined

My children were also impacted by Lois’s death. She was their ‘fun’ aunt, always bringing them kid-friendly gifts. The oldest ones especially didn’t understand. How could they? My oldest daughter tried to comfort me, which I appreciated more than I can say. And my oldest son was tried and true in his understanding of the situation. We all hurt. We all grieved. We all wished she was still here with us. My parents are now free of her death since they have gone to heaven and are now with their everlasting Savior. I believe Lois is with them. I will always miss her for as long as I live.

Learn and Grow: Never Stop–No Matter What

I have found peace in my own way. About ten years after Lois’s death, I asked God to heal me of the hurt in my heart that was associated with her passing. Eventually, the pain lifted, peace entered, and sorrow lessened. Publicly, I share now since I know it will help others feel less alone in their suffering. At least I can say good things came as a result of her passing. We are more demonstrative that we used to be. We have become more compassionate and understanding, less set in our ways and less rigid. We show more concern and emotion than we did before we lost my sister. We are a changed people. We have learned how God truly uses our past heartaches as a way to bring comfort to others during their times of misfortune.

Here’s a Remarkably Genuine Thought You Can Take with You

God can, will, and wants to help you deal with your problems, troubling stuff, and everything and anything that matters. God is here. He wants to help you. You may feel alone but you are not. The problems may be overwhelming which would be no surprise, but He always welcomes you. I know God will help you. No matter what, he is always with you. God always and abundantly cares. Call out to him. He is so interested in you and your life. You can’t surprise Him. His arms are ready to give you a great big hug. I must tell you, though. He waits till just the right time to answer your call. But don’t worry, he will answer you and at just the right minute.

Until later,

Norma

A Brand New Babe Got My Attention

My second son was the first to tell me. His cousin was the proud father of a new baby. He sent a picture of the baby, which showed their exhaustion. His Mom, my first cousin, sent a picture a day or two later. I can’t explain the overwhelming sense of joy a new baby brings the people that are given the task of rearing the child. A person tends to forget that these days. Problems surmount the miracle of new birth but regardless there is great happiness at the appearance of one blessed babe.

A New Beginning

How do we treat a new little one? Of course you do the ordinary things like feeding, clothing, changing, burping, and making a sleepy head out of them (hopefully). Then, there are the other things that matter, like making sure they are secure, preparing clean clothes for them, getting enough clothing so they don’t run out, and making sure they have a safe environment to sleep in and awaken in. It really is quite involved when you think of how much a baby needs and how often they need it.

You Need Rest

I remember my first born. I was twenty-seven, but I’d not been around little one’s much. I had a lot to learn, but I wanted to learn it on my own. Mother was very willing to help me, but I was determined to do it myself. A friend of the family who was also a surgical nurse came down to see me and the baby. She ooed and awed, and just enjoyed seeing him. I studied carefully all his perfections. Moving the warming blanket ‘just so’ to see all his parts when she went back to work. I was amazed. He was complete. Perfect. He was sleepy and barely would wake up to feed. I loved him.

Some Adjustments

That was the beginning. We got home and I began to learn what being a mother was really about. I learned you have to take it as it comes. The diaper changes (I used cloth diapers for the most part) were endless. He ate often and my breasts became tender (nipple cream). He’d cry when I was tired (me or my mate would walk with him in our arms. He wasn’t hungry when my breasts were full (yikes). I had a lot to learn. But I loved my baby and would do whatever it took to make our home as welcoming as possible. My mother didn’t help me much and I didn’t really want her help, so it turned out okay.

Since Then

That was forty-one years ago. I had five more pregnancies with one of the pregnancies not making it. I loved being a mom. It was my favorite role of all the roles I’ve participated in. Our lives were not easy. But there was always the love, caring, and grace in my walk regardless. I failed at times. We didn’t have enough money most of the time. But I did the best I could with what I had. I’m not speaking for my husband. We divorced in (1980- ) 2001. My husband wanted out since Josh was eleven months, which meant there wasn’t much to hold us together that was strong and viable. But I thrust myself forward for as long as we could keep it together. I am thankful we lasted as long as we did. I hope my children understand my heart. It beats for them.

My Thinking

Love your kids. Love doesn’t mean you have to give your kids a lot of things, but it does mean you take the time to meet their needs. Kids have many needs. We do not have the capacity to meet all their needs, but we do have the capacity to show them that we care. Those of us who are believers, also have the capacity to guide our children away from that which is evil and toward that which is good and of God. In my personal story, I don’t know if I made the right choices. But I do know that I gave it my best shot. Now that my children are grown up, it has become obvious that they have a positive portion of the goodness of God. They are willing to help others. They give when there is a need. They are careful in how they spend their money. They care about me, and that’s saying a bunch. Though it’s been hard, they don’t complain (much, that is). I am thankful for each one, and their mates, and their children.

And You?

Those who really know me and those who know me via my blog or facebook, know that I believe everyone can get it right. We can’t get everything right, for problems follow us all. That’s part of the human condition. However, don’t let that stop you from doing what you know to be true. Let’s say it’s not a family condition but say the case of the Covid vaccers or nonvaccers. People are unforgiving. You’re either one or the other. The two sides tend to hate each other. (In my family we have both) Is it worth getting all worked up over, which side you’re on? I don’t think so. Now, I know we think we’re right, which ever side you’re on. But, really? We must do what we understand, and both sides have tons to say. Which brings us back to the topic I’ve lead with…the baby situation. Babies are a blessing from God, A. R.E.A.L. B.L.E.S.S.I.N.G. F.R.O.M. G.O.D. Be thankful for each one, every single last one. I’m so happy for my newborn grandnephew. He’s a righteous blessing. God is so very good.

Blessings to all,

Norma