Category Archives: Loss

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Saying Goodbye has Its Own Sweetness

Sorry for my long absence here. Getting back on track after my mother’s passing has taken me a couple of weeks. The effort it takes to get in gear is in three areas: Physical, emotional, and spiritual. Demands in one area take away from responsibilities in another area. How to balance these takes some adjusting and doing. My writing has taken a back seat.

FRIENDS:  My friends help out. I share with them my vulnerable side, and they share their vulnerable side with me. I haven’t always liked or risked being as open with people as I am now. The book Safe People opened my understanding on how to be genuine in relationships. I must trust my good and my frustrating sides and my stories with them. Each friend contributes something special to my life. They are helping me climb out of the fog I’ve been in for a couple of years now.

Thank you to my friends for being there for me.

FAMILY:  Family is a rich part of my life. The past couple of months weren’t the easiest for us, but they were special. My siblings and I honored Mom by remembering her through a beautiful memorial service and a lovely graveside service. My sisters and I sang a trio, each of us siblings gave a tribute, my brother officiated, and others also participated. Thank you to my parents’ grandchildren. They all made the extra effort to come from Oregon, Idaho, Colorado, Washington, Virginia, Alabama, Florida, and California to pay tribute to their grandmother. Their presence meant a lot to their parents, aunts and uncles and Grandpa. Thank you. I love you.

Saying goodbye tugs on the heart strings.

CHURCH:  My parents’ church was kind to us. We held Mother’s service in the church sanctuary and the church provided a reception afterwards. They prepared food and a spacious room with tablecloths and decorations, making it lovely and nice. They were willing and accommodating, which made it smooth and comfortable for all who came. We enjoyed visiting with family and friends, some we hadn’t seen in years. Thank you to the Evangelical Free Church of Chico.

We were blessed by your kindness.

GRIEF:  Grieving is a process. I am moving in slow motion these days. Today I wrote several thank-you’s to people who helped with the services and others who brought gifts of flowers and plants. Thoughtfulness is a wonderful way to communicate love and caring. One friend baked cookies and a cake and brought them to my dad’s house. Neighbors showed up and spoke with my Dad to express their sympathy.

That was wonderful of them.

Mother’s journey has ended. She has finished the course, and she finished it well. I am thankful for those who prayed for us. You are dear to our family. Those who specifically prayed for me, thank you, I needed it. There were times I was overwhelmed. It is always a comfort to know people are praying, and I mean that.

Saying goodbye.

God bless you and your families.

Finish well.

Norma

P.S.  My mother was a godly woman. She was faithful in everything she did; faithful to her husband, children, church, and in using her talents and abilities to bless others. Most importantly, she was faithful to God. Her legacy is rich. She made her life count. My dear sweet mother will always be missed. Dear Mother, as you look down from heaven, from my heart to yours, I love you.

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God Doesn’t Do It Our Way

The Spiritual Journey is Not What You Think

Life has many markers, decision points, and some of them are spiritual. Either they are markers that record your journey towards God or they mark your distancing away from God. You come to a “Y” in the road and a decision will be made. God is always calling you, but you can turn your back to him. You will make a choice. One cannot go back via the way you came. You may stall–camp there and consider your options–and then make a choice.

Each choice will instruct your future and determine your path. Many voices compete for your attention–some good, some bad, some self-centered, some indifferent, and some spiritual. You know, it’s true. It pays to be wise. By now you’ve probably made some good choices and a few bad ones. Haven’t we all? Some are embarrassing to think about. You wish you hadn’t gone there, done that.

Beware of what side-steps you away from God’s will for you. You can really try hard to do everything right in your own best interest without including any thoughts of God and, consequently, repress the spiritual side of you until God’s voice is almost silenced. Why not do the opposite? I encourage you to listen for the still, small voice of God. Do you hear him? He is there when you consciously look for him, if you’re intent on seeing him. God works in each person’s life in a unique way according to who you are and how you think. I do know he hears the cry of your heart, even when you don’t know you have a “cry” in your heart that needs to be met.

You need God in your life. Seriously, you do. More than because he forgives your sins, more than because he gives meaning to life, and more than because of his helpfulness and care. Everyone needs God. God is your anchor in stormy seas. God is the great controller of all things. God is the most sensible of all in this crazed, upside-down world. He is a stabilizing force we can count on.

God REALLY is an anchor in the turbulent sea of life. But it is up to us to access him as our mainstay. Some miss this. For example, some make radically wrong choices. Suicide is one of them. In 2017 my son got out of the military. He returned to civilian life and is now established in a job. In the short time since, three from his command have taken their own lives. Heartbreaking.

What gives? That is a hard one to answer. There are clues, but they don’t tell the whole story. They needed help, hope, a reason to live. Life was too much and too hard. I hope they knew Jesus. Belief in God is the best reason for living. Spiritual belief is not dependent on circumstances, people, money, health, success, good looks, relational health, achievement or popularity.

God is always there for you. Truly, it doesn’t matter whether you’re on top of the world or down in the dumps, he is there. Respect him. Learn his ways. Don’t try to manipulate God by praying your will instead of God’s will.

I want to share with you four distinct spiritual markers.  Each of these helped me become “anchored” in God and came about as the result of things in life. My spiritual life began when I asked Jesus into my heart as a child. The evening news was scary after the Bay of Pigs invasion. Mother shared that Jesus would take care of us. I’m sure the Spirit of the living God was drawing me as I came to my first Y in the road.

My Most Important “Y” Markers

  1. Salvation. I realized my need of a Savior. I believed in Christ as my Savior and accepted his gift of salvation for my soul. My mother guided this process by explaining how Jesus loved me, died on the cross, rose again, and lives. My brother and I both prayed by the side of the bed that night. I was seven.
  2. Dedication. I gave my life to God when I was sixteen. The Spirit of God flooded my spirit. I was emotional as I drew near to God. I decided to follow him and never looked back.
  3. Surrender. We sing “All to Jesus, I surrender, all to him I freely give.” That’s exactly what happened to me when I quit trying so hard. I was at a crossroads and knew I couldn’t go on as I was–on empty, depleted.  I gave it up and turned to God with my heart, mind, and soul.  Best decision I ever made!
  4. Consecration. My life now is one of consecration to God. I desire to honor God with my life. This is an on-going process, one of sanctification. I allow God to “Mold me and make me, after thy will,” like the potter with the clay, where God molds his children into the shape he wants them to be.

An awakening process of renewal and transformation comes with this pursuit. This initiates healing and freeing. For me, this relaxes my rigidity and opens me in the Lord’s service as a vessel that pours out from its inner abundance.

You and I are either drawing closer to God or slipping further away from him. God promises that if you seek him you will find him, period, in spite of the struggles in life–your relationship issues, financial woes, health crises, loss and heartaches. These will bombard you and make you want to quit.

You also may not believe a word I’ve written, but that’s okay.

It is choice time, again. You’re at another Y. Why not turn to God, he loves you so very much. He is the giver of hope and a future.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. –Jeremiah 29:11

God can be your dearest friend. He makes life worth living, and he also makes it beautiful. Don’t regret the hard times. Let them go or give them to God. Trust God and find him as your “enough.” “God, I need you. I want to know you. Please help me. Show me who you are.” I believe God will do that for you.

I would be remiss to not say a word to whoever doesn’t believe God exists. Give him a chance. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by asking God to reveal himself to you. Then wait expectantly. The wait may be hours, days, or months. I am positive he will answer your request if you are willing to reach out to him and are sincere in heart. God is a gentleman and will not force his way into your life. I caution you. No dares and no games. They dishonor and displease God. He is holy.

And to anyone who is mad at God. You got upset with God when he let you down or didn’t do what you wanted him to do … when you wanted him to do it. Maybe you were mistreated and it seems unfair of God to have allowed it. In all honesty I say this to you, you have to let it go because it is wrong-minded. God is not a dispenser that gives you everything you want, pray, and ask for. It simply doesn’t work that way.

Another Y in the road. Now you have a choice to make. Instead of being angry with God, you are given an opportunity to turn to him. He takes it from there.

God does it his way. You will receive when you turn to him and believe on him. Then things start happening. God feeds your soul, gives you peace, helps you discern, guides your thoughts, mends your brokenness, and changes your life for the better good. It all takes time, of course.

When you are in-tune with God, the more you are able to accept and become okay with the way life plays out. You are not living in your own strength. God is with you, sustaining and keeping you. This becomes possible when God is part of your life in an active way.

Try it, you’ll like it!

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Next Week:  What you can do when you’re worried about your unbelieving Millennial.

Stay tuned!