Category Archives: Loss

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Improve Your Mental Health & Much, Much More

From a Christian Perspective

A new paradigm can help you.

Do you struggle? Would you like a boost? Most of us could say yes to both questions. The good news is you can take charge of your life. That’s something we all must do. No one can do it for you, though. It is up to you. Believe you can and you can, and then do the hard work. Kinda like losing weight, you have to decide you will follow through, no cheating allowed (and forego the brownies).

I want you to be helped.

Below are ways you can take charge that lead to a healthier you. Many are common sense practices but a few may be new-to-you concepts. I wrote them now to offer a remedy as a response that the depressed, discouraged, traumatized, and suicidal can utilize to help themselves heal, improve, and thrive. All are applicable to initiate a fresh start.

These processes originated in my own path to self-discovery and have helped me big-time.

Hope for the discouraged, depressed, and suicidal.

Let’s get started.

Select one, two, or three of the suggested items. Start with an area that grabs your attention. Give it your best effort. In a couple of weeks, see if there is any difference. Adjust as needed. Add another, and then another. Start expanding the narrative. Push through. Build your physical, mental, social, spiritual, and emotional health and note any progress. Continue on, selecting the ones that speak to you. Note: It helps to lean on your Advocate (God) for support in this endeavor.

Ways to Improve Your Mental Health, Well-Being & Whole Self

  1. Pay attention to your thoughts. When your mind is flirting with dangerous thoughts, stop them. Choose to replace them with healthy thoughts. You can even rebuke them and choose a better mental parameter. When you or someone else feels that life doesn’t seem worth it, you know it is time to take stock and take action.
  2. Recognize it’s a lie. Thinking that tells you that life isn’t worth it is a bold-faced lie. You may have to change some things in your life or you may need some help to get there, but don’t give up on it. LIFE IS WORTH LIVING.
  3. Seek counseling. Find a counselor you can connect with who is skilled in their counseling and whom you click with.
  4. Initiate new thinking patterns. Expose, rewire, retrain, and rethink those pesky negative thought patterns that take you down a wrong mental path. Replace them  with positive, encouraging, truth statements. THIS IS BIG.
  5. Expose the lies. Lies you have believed about yourself need to go. Figure out where they came from and then dismantle their influence on you. Word curses leave you in bondage to their unwholesome messages. They are not true. DO NOT BELIEVE THEM.
  6. Take a break from technology. Limit your social media viewing. Establish breaks and boundaries. Continual negative or hateful commentary depletes your happy zone and influences your outlook. You need a cleansing from its effects on you. Put boundaries on your viewing habits, reading material, and anything that increases anxiety, not good or depressive thoughts in you. Do something positive instead. Expect withdrawal (it can control us). It’s helpful to take breaks from technology altogether for a day, two, or more in order to regain quietness in the soul. (I did a silent retreat at a Cistercian monastery. Cell phone use was discouraged and not allowed in the retreat area. Wonderful.).
  7. Eat clean. Your mental state is better when you eat clean, which affects just about all of you– mind, body, and soul. Eat wholesome, health-building foods. They say, most serious illnesses originate in the gut. Buy organic when possible. Rebuild your gut health. Improve nutritional balance. Snack foods, sweets, and fast foods negatively affect your energy level, your ability to tolerate the daily stuff, and your susceptibility to moody moods. You will react less when you feel well.
  8. Minimize sugar intake. Your intake of sugar, processed, and starchy foods–breads, potatoes, rice, cookies, candy, desserts,  crackers, wheat-based products, products with corn syrup, molasses, white sugar and such–need limiting. Do this, feel well, equals — less elevated stress.
  9. Hydrate often with purified water. Drink more water than other beverages, including coffee and tea. Sodas, alcohol, fruit juices, chocolate milk, and sweet drinks, when consumed to excess, cause a buildup of unhealthy gut bacteria. These bad bugs affect your mood, make you edgy, irritable, and grumpy. They inhibit your body’s ability to fight infection and illness. Overgrowth of bad bacteria will contribute to a weakened immune system.
  10. Exercise. Get moving. Walk, jog, bike, swim or do any physical activity that suits you. Release of endorphins and a boost in positive energy that comes with consistent physical activity will help the rest of your body systems respond in a health-giving way. This will also aid in better sleep patterns.
  11. Go after the health thing first. Instead of believing antidepressants and medicine are the end-all and cure-all, they are not enough to undo past damage. Be prevention minded. Take a detailed look at what you are putting into your body. Take ownership, don’t ignore. We need to rebuild our physical bodies. This stimulates health-building properties in you, including improvement in your general health and well-being.
  12. Make health-enriching choices. Increase eating vitamin-rich vegetables and foods. A nutrient rich diet affects your sense of well-being and boosts your energy. This should help you feel better and become more able to cope with the down feelings. Begin with one thing and then add another.
  13. Take natural vitamins and supplements. Do your homework. Take what you need, whether it be probiotics, B vitamins, vitamin C, vitamin E, calcium, or others. Pay attention to what your friends are saying about supplements that work well for them. Some of these are powerful and make a huge difference in how you feel. Beware of the counterfeits. (Some day I will write a about a few of these. They can change it up big time, and in the process, eliminate the tired, lethargic, energy-depleted, depressed state.)
  14. Do acts of service. Serve on a regular basis. Jump in where you can and do something you’re good at to help others.
  15. Be other-focused. Help others in any way you can. Join a service group. Volunteer. Provide a service. Help your neighbor. Possibilities are endless.
  16. Participate in a group with shared interests. Choose groups that focus on your areas of interest or that meet a need. The local paper lists these groups daily/weekly. Churches and civic groups offer opportunities for involvement. Social interactions curb loneliness and encourage social connectedness. You can be lonely in a crowd, so work at connecting below the surface.
  17. Identify your addictive behaviors. Recognize what you do to make yourself feel better, your go-to-pick-me-up thing. Figure out what need it meets in you, why you depend on it to get you through the day. Then notice when the cyclical mood hits you. Instead of partaking, this time replace the edgy feeling with something better than the usual. This can be a powerful motivator for internal refreshing like a spiritual/mental/emotional intervention, which helps you become anchored and at peace within yourself.
  18. Develop close relationships with a couple of friends. Choose friends you trust who are mentally and emotionally healthy, who won’t play games with you and won’t make you feel foolish. Good friends are a powerful key to doing well. These friends speak life into your life.
  19. Pray. Ask God to help you. Begin to trust his love for you. Seek those who have a spiritual walk that is kind, real, and strong. They will listen well and give practical, sound advice. Pray throughout your day.
  20. Ask for help. If you need help, ask for it. People want to help. Have courage. Push the fear aside. You are stronger than you think.
  21. Talk with an overcomer. They’ll listen carefully because they understand pain and they want to help. Overcomers have a lot to say that is worth listening to.
  22. Listen to God. How? Read scripture. Ask God to speak to you as you read, to show you what he has for you, and to help you with hearing his quiet whisper.
  23. Journal reflectively. Journal your pain, answers, conclusions, questions, spiritual thoughts, fears, worries, hopes, and desires. Journaling is especially helpful when you’re struggling with something.
  24. Look for the joy. Focus on what is pleasing, like natural phenomenon, loved ones, spiritual venues that speak life to the soul, creative venues, fine arts, uplifting conversation and so forth.
  25. Be thankful. Keep a gratitude journal. List out blessings as you experience them. Look with eyes that see all the small and large blessings. Let yourself absorb them. Share these with others for an even greater blessing.
  26. Practice being quiet. Turn off the devices. Get alone. Absorb the quietness until it reaches clear to your toes. Let peace settle into your being. Shake off your fears and worries. Meditate on a verse or phrase from God’s Word. Allow the urgent to walk back. Let your soul rekindle as God meets you where you are at. You will refresh and revitalize.
  27. Take on projects. Learn a new skill. Develop a positive habit.
  28. Let it go. Release those people, thoughts, and things that pull you down. Surrender them to God. Put something new in their place. Take note of the beauty around you.
  29. Stop harmful practices. Institute helpful practices. Start little by little. Every step forward is just that, a step forward.
  30. Seek your healing. Healing doesn’t just happen. Isolate the areas that need healing. Seek wise counsel that builds on a sound base and then goes out from there. Know what you’re looking at. Invite God to open your understanding to his truth. Be grateful for the good.
  31. Get medical intervention. There’s no shame in getting the help you need.
  32. Uncover any lies you have believed about yourself. Uncover those word curses you have internalized. They can demoralize. Speak truth to yourself.
  33. Forgive. Let your heart show you how to do this. Just release it. Let it go. Let yourself heal.
  34. Take ownership. Apologize to those whom you have hurt. Admit where you have been wrong or caused harm (even though you may have had good intentions at the time). Humble yourself and do the right thing. Do this carefully and judiciously. THIS IS POWERFUL.
  35. Get unstuck. Let whatever go. Look to the better good. Unlock the door to your future.
  36. Believe you will get better. Don’t despair of it. The sun will rise again. Count on it. A new day will dawn. Open each gate as you come to it. This is not the end, it is a beginning. You are stronger than you think.
  37. Find someone who believes in you. Meet with them often or as much as possible.
  38. Reach out to others. Surround yourself with positives and positive people. Be thankful. Know good is ahead. Cry. Breathe deeply. Relax. Hold on to hope. Smile. And DON’T EVER GIVE UP.

There’s something here for everyone.

We all struggle and there’s always something more we can do to help ourselves climb out of the pit. Despair can be debilitating. Finding hope, cultivating better physical health, and re-ordering your physical environment, when combined together, can be just the boost you need to clear your head and regain strength in your being.

Speaking for myself, depression descends on you and try as you will you can’t kick it to the curb. I’ve experienced depression after harsh life events (broken relationships or majorly impactful happenings) where each day is a slog to get through. It’s like walking in the fog day after dreary day with no hope of sunshine. You push through. Prayer, giving my pain-filled feelings or whatever to God, plus the process of time, and eventually the cloud would lift. One time I was walking up a hill for exercise when ‘bingo’ my spirit returned to normal. Such relief. My energy and clarity of mind returned.

IN ADDITION: You might appreciate reading or listening to my Pain Points and Felt Needs series of posts.

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Her Suicide Still Speaks, Part 3

From a Christian Perspective

I refute the belief that suicide is selfish.

A friend of mine recently posted about suicide. He said suicidal people need to reach out, find help, and not be so selfish. He equated suicide with a selfish act. I didn’t respond to his comment but I did think, “No, that’s not true.” I strongly disagree with that common view of suicide that he was espousing. I do not believe selfishness has anything to do with why a person chooses to commit suicide even though it is the self who makes the choice.

People choose to commit suicide because they are in pain.

Suicidal people are desperate. They want the daily struggle to end. They don’t see a way out. They have lost hope. They don’t think they can face another day. They want it all to stop; the negative voices, hopeless thoughts, and wretched weariness with the daily struggle. They don’t want to be a burden to others, not realizing the heavy burden they are now placing on those who will be affected by their suicide.

Depression, despair, and hopelessness have darkened their days. Broken relationships have left them devastated, demoralized, and scarred. It all seems like too much, too big of a hill to climb. The journey back all too encompassing a task … for them to dredge up the will to overcome and to continue to press on.

In her final letter, my sister wrote, “I would go home, but I don’t want to be a burden to my family.” She was misguided in her rationale. Her family would have welcomed her home and would have done anything to help her. She also said she couldn’t face another day at work.

I wish she would have contacted someone.

She was tired of fighting her inner struggles, depression, the will to fight on. As a family, we wish we had known it was the moment she needed help. I called her that night about an upcoming family event, but my call was placed too late.

You can wish there were second chances. We all know there are none.

Satan takes advantage when he perceives a weakness in the spiritual armor.

I also believe that Satan influences the vulnerable and speaks lies to them. “You can’t handle this. You’re not going to make it. Why not end it?” People talk about hearing voices, some of them are from the evil one. He pushes the vulnerable to want death as the answer to free them from their pain. He whispers the lie that they are better off ending it, that all is hopeless and this will end their suffering and pain. He clouds their vision with darkness that colors everything they do. I, also, have felt that darkness on occasion. It is immobilizing and blocks out joy, happiness, and well-being.

Of course, what Satan whispers is deceptive. Satan deceives. He is all about sin, evil, suffering and death. Satan is active in engaging people to consider suicide as their out. Here’s why. He is the enemy of life. God is the giver of life. He hates God with a vengeance. Not only is he the enemy of God, he is in a battle against God. He hates what God loves and wages war against it.

Human beings are created in God’s image. That separates us from other created beings. God is about life and living. Satan wants to destroy what God has created in any way he can, which includes us, the human — God’s triumph — people whom God gave the will and power to discern and choose. He doesn’t want humans to choose life, especially eternal life through Jesus Christ.

Satan is a cunning adversary and powerful foe. I know he was there at time of my sister’s death. My family could feel an evil presence during the days after her passing. Some of it was like a veil of darkness. It was creepy and scary. Out of respect for my family, I will not elaborate on this aspect.

I also reject the notion that suicide means they’re damned to hell.

I just don’t believe it. Their eternal existence depends on the state of their soul, whether saved or unsaved. Several Christians of my acquaintance have family members who have committed suicide. I knew some of them. I believe these people were sincere, believing Christians. Depression hovered about them, defining their lives in tortuous ways others could not possibly understand … unless they’ve been on the cusp. They suffered. Their families were fearful for them. Yet, I’m positive some or all of them knew the Lord. The two would seem to be incompatible at first blush.

Some things are not so simple.

There are many factors when there is a sucide. Some think my sister is not in heaven, is lost, for two reasons: she turned away from belief in God; and she chose to end her life. I know what scripture says, that if we reject him, he will reject us. I also know God keeps his true children in the palm of his hand and says no one can take them from him. There is comfort in those last words.

The question is, did she have saving grace? Was she a Christian or not? For my part, I believe my sister knew the Lord. I saw it in the way she cared for others, and her kindness, and the affirmation she imparted to others. I saw it in the times when she walked closely with the Lord. She was serious about faith being authentic belief. She often had questions, the kind that I believe can only be answered with the eyes of faith.

My sister struggled with spiritual belief off and on throughout  life. But that does not mean she was not God’s child. She would open up to me about her struggle (starting at age 12). I’ll never forget the first time she confided in me. I was shocked at her unhappiness with it all. It scared me. I saw in her a dislike of legalistic strictness, a weariness with the church and family’s expectations and rigid viewpoints. She wanted to get out of that cage of spiritual perfectionism and live free of its constraints.

She indicated that we didn’t know the real her. Many of us could say the same. Who really knows another person?

Somehow she missed the better stuff, the joy of a living relationship with God, of ‘being,’ of living fully centered in Christ, of knowing what it is to be truly free, of being delightfully immersed in God’s love. In those days we treated our Christian faith more as a belief system than as a loving, reciprocal relationship. I don’t believe she ever knew the sweetness that one can have in God.

Yet even in her pain and self-stuff, I think she could not get away from God’s presence in her life, though she tried to ignore his voice by acting as if he didn’t exist. Often called, the hound of heaven, he pursued her. God was calling to her, drawing her to himself, wanting her to know him. But she resisted, couldn’t quite go there, couldn’t quite turn the corner to return to the faith of her past. If only she had known what she was missing.

People ask me, “Do you think Lois is in heaven?” It’s a hard question. God only knows. I do not. I think so, but that’s me. I have always believed she is and have peace that it is true. I think God saw her pain, her hurt and confusion, and the Good Shepherd had compassion on his straying lamb, his little lost sheep. Maybe I am in denial, wishful, and I may be in error with my conclusion in the matter. I hope not.

I believe Lois and I will meet again on the other side. I hope with my whole heart to see her. My heart leaps with joy as I picture it. She and I tightly embrace on my welcome into the promised land where an eternality of hope rests in its peace and gloriousness.

. . .

This is the ending of my three part talk on losing my sister by suicide. I shared more this time than on past years. I wanted you to see behind the curtain, and how it is confusing for Christians. Many of you have been influenced by someone’s suicide, and it’s been a hard journey forward. You understand my heart. After losing Lois, I have used my experience to learn and grow and to help anyone I can. I hope these writings are helpful. I care deeply. I don’t believe in easy answers. I want people to receive the help they need.

Tomorrow I will post an addendum with a list of suggestions to help a suicidal person get on the road to recovery. Until then, God bless you. Leave me a comment. I’d love to hear from you. Blessings, Norma

…

Photos: With my siblings, Lois as a baby, and mr holding Lois.

Back Links to this series: Part 1 and Part 2