Category Archives: Loss

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Looking Backward In Order to Look Forward

I didn’t know what I was doing but I did know where I would look. God had the answers but I did not. My life was different now. We’d been here before but this time I knew there was no forgiveness. It was late, The kids were in bed. I asked him if he had been going out on me. He said, “Yes.” We both knew it was over, and we both cried. The next morning he would tell the kids. The kids were Josh, at a Christian college in Oregon, LaVonne, a senior in high school, Thomas, taking his driver’s test, Forrest, in fifth grade, and Glorianne, in preschool. I dreaded the next day.

We got up the next morning. I said we weren’t going to church. He came and told them. Then left. Thomas missed the moment. He came afterward and his dad told him before he left. I looked out, and the kids had their arms around each other, crying. They came in and it all came out. We never returned to being a whole family again. The next few years were terribly hard except for a few rare moments though they were good.

I decided to write in a journal to help sort my thoughts and find a measure of healing. I wanted to learn. I wanted to know what happened. I wanted to find a measure of peace. At first, I wrote my thoughts and concerns. In time, I added quotes, verses, prayers, and bits of advice I wanted to keep. I spent a lot of time writing. Eventually I spoke in my church. It was like five years later. I talked two Sundays. The first session was about Pain. The second was about Healing. You can listen to them here on my blog under testimonies.

Why am I writing this?

Three days ago I grabbed my stack of journals and started reading the first one. I read it for three days. I finished it. I was amazed. I used to think I wasted people’s time when I mentioned them. But now I don’t think so. How do people get through the hard times? They persevere. They don’t give up. They keep on trying. That is, if they want to get better. You persevere. There’s a lot or other stuff too. I’m still learning. I’m still growing. Want to know something else? Neither of us has married again.

What kind of advice do I share?

Besides the normal stuff, I think you should pick someone who has values you agree with. If you’re a believer, pick a believer. Find someone you respect, and who respects you. Pray. God knows. You can be toooo picky, though. But, too, you need to be picky. It you’re a Christian believer, you will want Christian advice. However, I’m not going to give any advice other than to direct you where you should look.

So much I wish for you a solid, pleasing, real, happy step. But. But you must choose the right kind of step. We can get our step mixed up to where we intentionally or unintentionally are picking something that seems right because it satisfies but it draws attention back to yourself. We want to focus our attention on God, and God alone. God brings us to see things His way, to heal His way, to learn His way, to change His way. If we guide our attention and other’s attention to what He is doing then, and only then, He is given the credit for what healing is taking place.

People go wrong and don’t realize it.

They make choices that brings the thing back to themselves and think they’re right, but they’re not. Are we giving it to God or are we setting ourselves as the righteous judge? God speaks, we must listen. God heals, we are set free. God brings us forward so that we may shine His truth to all we meet. His word speaks to all who listen, regardless. How beautiful that He reaches out to us in this way. He gives hope, life, and healing. We receive His blessing beyond measure; His grace beyond our wildest dreams; His hope beyond what even seems possible. His way is the best way. Does He get the credit or you?

Make sure you direct others to God. He will make a way.

Go with God!

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A Positive Heart-Warming Story 

J. Williams  8/8/2020 

Home after a very adventurous, longer-than-normal journey. A boat. A taxi. A plane. A dead battery. 😬 Not what I expected when arriving at the parking structure at the Sacramento airport. But the unscheduled inconvenience was good because it meant I got to meet C______. The AAA guy. He was kind and funny and after listening for a bit I learned that 2 weeks from tomorrow will be 4 years since his beautiful wife, L__, passed away. Cancer. He misses her so. I told him about D_____, 4 years for us, too. In the space of an hour we shared our common ground. Losing someone you love. He was sure his beautiful bride, only 43, was in a better place. He told me, ‘Ya know, she has a new body.’ I knew then that he knew Him. We rejoiced over this truth as he changed the battery on the Grandma J___ beach van. ‘Ok, start her up!’ Oh, such relief to hear that engine turn over. A two hour delay but I am quite sure all scheduled by the One who holds the map. We said our goodbyes and he paused… ‘You know, there is a spirit around you. A spirit of peace and calm and joy. You have an aura around you.’ That is Jesus, my new friend, C______. Isn’t He amazing?

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Looking on the Bright Side

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Today was an interesting day. I spent my time preparing some paperwork for Social Security. Midday I headed to Oroville to the Department of Records to get a copy of my marriage certificate. It was a nice drive and I was coasting along, happy at heart. This was a good day, and I was feeling it.

Now at the building, I input the information on a computer screen and then waited to be helped. Next it was my turn. I told the clerk that I was requesting an ‘old’ copy. She smiled when I said 1980. She had thought 1800’s when I said old. She said it would take a minute to print the marriage certificate.

The clerk handed me the marriage certificate. I’d not seen it before today, having had only a handwritten complimentary copy all these years. I looked at my ex-spouse’s name and my name, the year, the pastor who officiated, my friend Ronda D. and his friend Randy S. who were witnesses of our marriage. It startled me as I looked at it, and I remembered. My mood altered as I viewed the marriage certificate. A strange mixture of emotions came over me. I felt warmth, regret, sadness, happiness for that day, the joy of our children, and the everlasting melancholy that marked our marriage relationship. I had loved and lost.

I loved my mate with an innocent love. That love and my belief in our marriage had carried me through thick and thin, heavy on the thin. I was naive about a lot of things. I didn’t know what I was dealing with in our troubled marriage. That the marriage had been dissolved just days short of 22 years, was a testament to human resiliency and God’s faithfulness. We both had tried in our own ways. The flower had faded. For a while I faded too, after it ended. Pain does that to you. I’m still sorry our marriage didn’t make it. But it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Our special day.

At my daughter’s wedding this past June, I saw my ex again. We exchanged a few pleasantries. He came over to my house for a meal with my extended family, and it was okay. When you’ve lived with someone for two decades, you know them pretty well. The way they talk, their gestures, the way they laugh, and the way they carry themselves is so familiar that it all comes rushing back. You can almost predict what they’re thinking.

Morning glories I planted this year. They brighten my day.

It’s a few months shy of 20 years since we divorced. Neither of us has remarried. I’ve learned a tremendous lot since my world fell apart. God does make beauty from ashes. It’s sad that the kids get hurt in the process. Dysfunction is damaging. They’re doing pretty well now, I’m happy to say. But it’s not been easy. I tried so hard to protect them from getting hurt, yet they got hurt anyway. Why? There are reasons, but they no longer matter. We have picked up the pieces and trudged on. That’s a good thing.

One day I was talking to God like He was in the room with me. It was during those days of sorrowing for all I had lost, about a year after we divorced. I had lost not only my husband, but myself, my marriage, and seemingly, my future. I said to God, “If I ever marry again, I only want to marry if its Your will.” Immediately the still, small voice of God spoke within my spirit, and said, “Who says that it wasn’t My will?” That surprised me and pulled me up short. Make what you will of that.

Any comments?

I wish you well on your spiritual journey.

Love to all, Norma