Category Archives: Relationships

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A 30-Day Challenge and A Desperate Text

The text was desperate. It wasn’t the first and I knew it wouldn’t be the last. I responded with “Let’s talk.” We talked and talked. I heard the heartbreak, the despair and hopelessness. Yet I knew the marriage was not without hope. They’d been together several years and neither had been unfaithful. Negative energy was blanketing the marriage. It was the same song and dance, two unhappy people looking to each other for validation and acceptance and neither having it reflected back. Angry accusations, unhappy and bitter feelings were pulling them further apart, creating distance and barriers in their relationship. I’d been down that road in my own life and know sometimes we have to step outside to see inside. I sent a follow-up text the next day in the form of a 30-day challenge. The challenge was accepted. The couple is still together as of this writing (two years since). I have intentionally removed names and specific gender.  Please apply whatever fits to your situation. God bless you.  …

TEXT MESSAGE

Friend,
After we talked last night, I was praying and thinking about what is happening. I have an idea that just might work, or at least help you and your marriage. It’s not going to be easy–but it may help. It is in the form of a challenge.

I challenge you to —

  1. For 30 days, every single day greet your mate with a smile and a pleasant expression.
  2. For 30 days, every single day say something to your mate about what you like about him/her such as his/her appearance, work ethic, or say a word of appreciation for the hard work he/she does to support you and the children. Look for things, even small things.
  3. For 30 days, every single day reduce your complaining and nagging. A mate hates this (trust me, it’s true).
  4. For 30 days, every single day treat your mate with respect even when you don’t think he/she deserves it. Men/women need to be respected.
  5. For 30 days, help your mate remember the beautiful person he/she married. Ask God to help you each day, especially when you feel alone, rejected, or defeated.

One regret I have is that I didn’t appreciate my husband enough, and I didn’t thank him or compliment him when he really needed it. I think he felt trapped. When a man feels trapped, he does things to escape. Help your mate to once again see the beautiful person you are.

My dear friend, you can’t change your mate, but you can bless him/her by your actions. If you accept this challenge, I want you to text/email me that you are doing this and then I want you to confirm with a text/email that you are doing it every week of the 30 days–and let me know of any positive results. Bless you.

Norma 

(nlbrumbaugh@gmail.com)

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When We Choose the Harder Thing

There are many out there who choose to be silent in their suffering, those who choose to love even when it means life will be more difficult for them. They sit in church with me and smile and give warm hugs. But they’re in it alone in many respects. They keep the family going and face hardship without flinching. They believe God will sustain them, but they cry in the night, at least sometimes. And they feel envious of others who have it better. I know all about that.

It takes great strength within self–with the help of Father God–to live through hardship without self-pity and without bailing when the going is rough. We learn in the hard times, and we coast in the easy times. If this is you, I say to you, keep the faith and do not give up.

Be intentional. Know what you are dealing with and find answers to the questions. Draw a line in the sand for yourself. It helps to know your own parameters and how to maintain them.

I was naive. There were things I didn’t understand and didn’t know how to deal with in an effective manner. I have learned so much since those days. I have answers now to the questions I could not even articulate in those days so long ago. Through it all, one thing I can say without a doubt is that God is enough. He is. He really is. Hope is our reaching up to Him and His reaching down to us, or maybe I have that backwards, He is always reaching out to us. God is there waiting for our plea for mercy, healing, love, acceptance, and grace.

Out of our anguish of heart we can stop, and listen, and know the quiet voice of God, the God Who never leaves nor forsakes us–even though it may seem that He has. There is coming a time when you will bloom and your brightness will shine.

~||~

I was one of those who chose the harder path out of love for the person who was struggling (my mate) and out of love for my children (they loved their daddy and our family unit) and out of respect for God’s plan for marriage (as a covenant vow). I knew people didn’t understand, and I didn’t expect them to. It was a choice I made. I look back and I know that I did the best I could do with the hand I was given to play. I do not regret it even though we didn’t have a ‘and they lived happily ever after’ ending. Some of my children have thanked me for doing the harder thing and not giving up on the marriage and for showing them godly character and love in action.

I just want the silent suffering to know that I see them, and I know what it costs them to put a brave face on it. Some of your mates will someday be in heaven because you never gave up on them and your prayers knocked on heaven’s door big time. God bless you.

 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10 ESV

~Excerpt from soon-to-be-available YouTube talks about my personal life and my experiences with pain and healing.

Norma

P. S. I am not talking about sexual or physical abuse. They are a line in the sand, a deal breaker.