Category Archives: Relationships

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My Daughter’s Vision Touched Her

LaVonne’s Story (Vision)

Prior to and while my oldest daughter was a student at Biola, a Christian university, she struggled with understanding and picturing what Christ did when He died on the cross for our sins. She wanted to grasp the concept, to feel it live and breathe within her. She loved God already, but she wanted a greater understanding of the crucifixion, and she wanted her understanding of salvation to become more meaningful and real than it was. She had expressed this to God and had wished and prayed for it for quite some time.  Somehow her belief felt like a cerebral, academic knowledge rather than a living, heart knowledge.

She was in class one day when the professor had the students listen to the song, Here I am to worship. They were to think on the words. The words were being sung “And I’ll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross” when a picture began to form in my daughter’s mind. All other thoughts were removed. It was like a video playing. She was viewing identical cookie cutter figures moving about. They were formed like gingerbread men, all the same size and without gender. Then she noticed one figure that was different than the others. It was bright white, lighter than all other figures. The video in her mind played on. When it was finished, she knew something amazing had happened, and she could finally see it, what Christ had done for her and for all humanity on that cross. Later in the day, she called me and told me about it. I asked her to write it down, and she did.

A few months ago, I came across a notebook of hers while I was sorting through tubs of old items while reorganizing. There was only one entry in the notebook, and it was what she had written on that day about her experience.

She saw it. It changed her.
Christ died to make us whole.

We talked about it and I asked her if I could share her writing with you. She said, “yes.” I asked more about it. She explained how the figures were of all shades of darkness, some with patches of dirt, like smudges, others were caked with filth, and some were mostly white with light shades of darkness. She said her mind felt full with no other thoughts crowding in. It was quite real and vivid.

When it was over, she wondered what had just happened to her and was mystified. But now she understood more clearly what happened at the cross, and she now had heart-knowledge of what took place as Christ died to make us whole. Her question was answered.

I share with you, her words.

Picture in Her Mind:

“Jesus was white, and everyone else looked just like him except they all were covered in dirt. Different people were dirtier, blacker, or whatever (than others). Then they all went and hugged Jesus. Jesus became dirtier than anyone. (He was) caked with filth. Everyone else became pure white as Jesus once was.”

“And I’ll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross.”

Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness; Open my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You; Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down; Here I am to say that You’re my God
Altogether lovely, altogether worthy; Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days, oh so highly exalted; You’re glorious in heaven above, yes You are
Humbly You came to this Earth You created; All for love’s sake became poor

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down; Here I am to say that You’re my God
Altogether lovely, altogether worthy; Altogether wonderful to me

I’ll never know how much it cost; To see my sin upon that cross

…..

That’s the story my daughter told me so long ago. It still gives me the shivers. God does miraculous things. He chooses when and what. I am glad he shared this small vision of his suffering with my daughter. Its imagery impacted her. Her voice quivered the first time she told me. It was a beautiful yet reflective moment for her.

Here I Am to Worship

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Impromptu Thanks when It Matters

Life is becoming a varied, challenging, deep, and complex mystery. The more I live, the more the world seems to morph and change. Yet, the things that matter the most seem to remain the same. Take health for instance. We were all very involved with health as the mystery of the Covid made it’s rounds. To take the shot or not meant a great deal to some of us. You were either on one side of the issue or the other. A lot of division happened as a result. In my family and other families, we didn’t see the Covid issue the same…and we still don’t. Some deep hurt was caused around the world, no matter which way the virus was seen. It was a problem, a bothersome and complex problem.

Some issues are that way. There isn’t a clear understanding in regard to the task. Those of us who are Christians speak fluidly but differently regarding the way we react to the problem or mandate. We take different views, of course, when the government implicitly tells us to do the required test or mantra. The real problem is that we don’t like to be told what to do when we are unsure of the consequences. Christians have to learn all they can to be able to make educated decisions. But sometimes, we remain confused, concerned, indifferent, or unhappy.

My family means so much to me

Sometimes you don’t realize just how much your family means to you. I was ill this year and my siblings came to help me out. They call me. They encourage me. They have helped me. They’ve been so good to me. I do what I can but they help me where I am weak. It is kind of neat that God gives us different gifts. We use the gifts according to where they are usable. I saw this so clearly when my parents health was in decline. Everyone rose to the occasion. Yes, there were differences. Yes, we looked beyond the differences to help them. Yes, at times it was awkward or difficult. But, yes, we managed to deal with it despite the awkwardness. You only have one family.

My children mean the world to me

Lately, more than in the past, my own family has come to my aid. Why? Because I needed it. They stepped up to the plate. They helped me organize my walk. Which means, they knew I needed help. My daughters, one in my hometown and one in Florida, helped me when and where things were difficult. They charged ahead, kindly and fully, They were there for me. They still are. My sons also came along side and helped me where I needed it. It was remarkable. I’m very grateful that God has given me such wonderful grown children.

My friends make the days better for me

You know, my friends make a difference. I go to church with some of my friends. It’s a joy like no other. My book dinner ladies got together a couple of weeks ago. We quit reading books a year ago but it was a complete, beautiful blessing to be together once again. Friends matter. We need our friends. Friends help us. We laugh, cry, share, give, help and so forth. I love my friends. They mean the world to me. I’m anxious to see them again. It is good for our soul when a friend lifts us up.

My prayer requests keep me focused appropriately

One of the strange things about being sick was I couldn’t pray nearly as much as I was used to doing. The problem was that I couldn’t concentrate worth a darn. My mind would wander. I couldn’t keep in focus. Thankfully, this is changing now. I tried to improve, but it was quite difficult. I love praying. I love focusing. I love the richness of ever-deepening faith. There are different types of prayers. Some are fairly light and others are exceedingly deep. Some prayers are complicated and take much sternness to complete. But all are beneficial. All Prayers Are Beneficial!!! Today I came across a prayer I prayed back in 2020. It went like this: “I praise you for this day. When I speak praise, pray praise, think praise, truly, it feels like praise releases something in me that I’ve not experienced before.” Try it, you may like it!

My difficulties make me appreciate living

Difficulties are a part of life. You can’t get away from them. However, there are many ways God helps us through the difficulties. Long ago, when I had three kids, not five, I had a nervous breakdown. It was terrible. I had to quit my job as I slumped into a depression. My nerves were so messed up that I couldn’t even drive a car or shop for the family. I had been through a lot with my husband and it was just too much. It took me four years to bring myself back. I couldn’t go to a counselor. We didn’t have money for it. As I traveled that journey, the Lord became exceedingly close and precious to me. God used it though it was hard. I’m glad for the things God taught me during that time period. God gave me a precious gift despite the pain of the moment.

My positive thinking helps me understand the problems

While I was making my way through the desert, God started to teach me many things. During a time many years later, He awakened my spirit. I learned by asking God to teach me. He taught me many wonderful truths. I started writing a journal. It was amazing the things God was teaching me. I learned that He is more interested in our devotion to Him than of our doing many things for Him. God is interested in us; He really, truly and abundantly is. God is making us into the person He created us to be. That is an amazing reality. Sometimes we just have to crawl through the difficulty, but God knows what He is trying to teach us. Turn to Him. He awaits your turning. He holds our hand.

My troubles transform into blessings as God manipulates them

So often our troubles are a pain that we can’t get rid of. We try and try but they don’t seem to give. Why is it this way? I can give you guesses but I really don’t know. It does seem as though He strips what we depend on until He has our full attention. He wants us to listen. He desires our love. He keeps us from stumbling. He helps us. Now I’m not quite seventy but I’ve learned quite a bit that I want to share with you. It’s really all about God. God is a gentleman. He won’t push His way in. We invite Him in. He makes His Way easy to understand, but He waits until we are ready to listen to Him. Aren’t you thankful He is this way? Don’t despair if you are discouraged. He understands. He will keep you. You are the apple of His eye.

I want to leave you with this thought. For three years during the worst of my journey, when my life was a wreck and I had been left, God told me one, and only one word. “Trust.” I had to learn to trust. My marriage was over. Trust. My kids were hurt. “Trust.” The job had ended. “Trust.” How were we going to make it? “Trust.” Would we have enough money? “Trust.” I learned to trust Him for my going and coming. I’m so glad I did.

You can too.

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