Life is quite different now than from the way it used to be. My generation, the baby boomers, pursued the American dream. We believed in a job well-done and being rewarded for the effort. The younger generation is looking at values from a different perspective. Young people today, the millennials, care more about the environment and open acceptance for all people and less about being prosperous and fitting a mold or living a carbon copy life. One generation reacts to the previous generation and then goes about living life from a different angle.
There are some areas that apply to ALL generations. Maybe it’s logic, maybe it’s just common sense, or maybe it’s a reaction, but some things need to be said. In some respects it seems we are forgetting what is wise or prudent and doing what feels right and good for the moment. People are living in the moment. Some are forgetting to prepare for the future. I think people need to slow down and think this thing through. What are the pros and cons, what makes sense in the long run, where will we be ten, twenty, or thirty years from now?
Something to consider: Here are my ten cents. This blog contains sage advise borne on wisdom’s wings. Apply what you will, be my guest. Norma
WHAT YOU DO with YOUR LIFE is UP TO YOU (but don’t waste it)
1. Only spend money you have. Don’t borrow money that you don’t or won’t have the resources to repay in a timely fashion.
Cut up all credit cards that you can’t pay off their balance on a monthly basis. Train yourself to do without the toys, fast food dashes, eating out extravaganzas, new cars, and newest of new everythings. Then plan a better way that is less expensive—like your great-grandparents did before the days of easy credit. This will make you fiscally responsible and in control of your life-style instead of it controlling you and your habits—and don’t allow a ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ mind-set to rule your life. Student loans are another money problem that will reach into your future. Keep these to a minimum.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the wisdom of living within your means.
2. Only rely on self, spiritual, motivational, and health-building habits. Don’t rely on substances to make you happy.
Recreational drugs, mood elevators, and over-consumption of alcohol are self-medicating illusions—they lie to you. They are in control and you are not. You may believe you cannot live without them, that you are a happier, more entertaining, and a more relaxed person while using them, but that is nothing other than a false front, a deception. They impede you rather than help you. Test yourself. How well do you do if you take a break from them for a day, week, or month? Pursue a healthy, holistic way of living.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the rewards that self-respect and being in control of yourself bring.
3. Only be frank and truthful, and in a kind way. Don’t lie or shade the truth with others or it will come back to bite you.
Character is built over time. Every choice, word, and step a person takes in life is a process of building who they are and will become. Honesty IS the best policy. Individuals who diss traditional values because they seem silly, old-fashioned, and stale, may need to take another look. In reality, they have a lot to offer in today’s world. People who shade, alter, or bend the truth or outright lie to our face, are not to be believed, nor will they be trusted to be straight with us. You don’t want people to doubt you. ‘I lied’ is no excuse to hide behind. Integrity is formed from the building blocks of sincerity and truthfulness.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the satisfaction that being strong and true brings.
4. Only you can be in charge of your own life. Don’t expect others to make you happy—that is not their job.
Your life is not other people’s main concern. At some point as an adult you will have to come to the realization that you are the one making your own choices and that self-reliance is key. When we expect others to make us happy and to keep us engaged in life, we are placing an unfair burden on them. To expect the other person in the relationship to deliver the goods is, ultimately, not fair. They will disappoint you in some way. Be responsible for your own happiness. Then enjoy it when others participate with you. The parents who raised you are not responsible for your future concerns nor should they be used by you to achieve your ends. They did their part already. You are responsible for yourself.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn to appreciate what inner happiness and peace offer and figure out a way to become self-sufficient.
5. Only you are responsible for you—not your parents, spouse, or the government. Don’t pressure others to bail you out when you make a mistake or run into trouble.
Others are sources who care about you. They matter, for sure. But we choose who we will be and why we will be that way. Wrong behavior and right behavior are conceptual thoughts that over the process of time flower into full bloom. You determine your own behavior. Abuse, indifference, disengagement, vested interest, engagement, or blessing? The choice is yours. How you decide to respond to another person’s behavior is up to you. Maturity comes with facing obstacles and digging deep to overcome them. Blame doesn’t work, either. It deflects from your own responsibility in the matter. Appreciate the supporters and helpers—they are a gift to you. Thank them for hanging in there with you, okay?
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the most expedient way to face each crisis as it comes—and then do it.
6. Only act or take a side once you ponder the issues at stake. Don’t allow individuals, teachers, scientists, doctors, celebrities, media, beliefs, and social trends to influence your best judgment.
Everyone has their own agenda and viewpoint. As you mature it becomes more important than ever to think for yourself through all the important issues. The world is rapidly changing. It wants you to act like a rubber stamp, liking what it likes, acting like it acts. Society spouts strong opinions in areas of politics, religion, society, culture, employment, and pursuits. It will try to convince you to believe in particular scripted ways. Trends are always evolving so you must sort through these on your own. Your world view is important. Do you know what it is? Trust your instincts and the proven wisdom of the past. Trends will come and go but those who are discerning will always be in-step with a greater understanding. History is a teacher when we take the time to understand the lessons we can learn from the paths of other peoples and societies. Unthinking people are at risk of following the wrong leader and ways that are detrimental to them and their families. Be discerning. I can’t stress this enough, think for yourself.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn how to think through the cause and effect in your values, relationships, choices, and pursuits.
7. Only sleep with someone you are committed to for the duration. Don’t sleep with someone until you are married to him or her.
Whoa. Am I serious? That’s right, I mean it. Sexual relations are best when a person reserves it for the marriage bed. Hard? Yes. Popular? No. Possible? Yes. Hang with me; let me explain my reasoning. Beyond spiritual reasons, there is evidence that this concept is right-on. Save yourself for your marriage partner and this will save you from a lot of grief and emotional pain. Free love is not free. You bring your past with you into every subsequent relationship. Sex can act like an narcotic, a craving for something that never satisfies. Even when sexual activity seems like a past-time sport, the act of sexual intimacy is of another dimension than other self-satisfying actions simply because it involves the union of two beings participating as one. Sexual union creates a soul-tie (soul touch) with another human being. Sex deserves the respect of both people as they share with each other the most intimate side of self. To treat it lightly is to dishonor not only you but also the other person. Of course, that means no shacking up either.
The old model isn’t perfect by any means–you get what you put into it–but it is better than the new model. Marriage brings honor, integrity, respect, legitimacy, and definition to a relationship. No union will fail if both people are committed to its success. Marriage establishes a level of permanency and commitment, much more than the temporary status of living together, which allows either person to exit at will when they become bored or disenchanted. It goes without saying that the more partners you have over the course of time the less you will be able to remain satisfied in the context of the relationship or marriage. It’s a no brainer; what you are doing NOW will affect your future relationships, and your future marriage. Sex outside of marriage often is no more than a booty call. That reduces it to recreation, which diminishes both participants. Sex should be elevated to more than a primal need. There is a deeper felt-need in the language of sex. It has a spiritual side to it that makes it more than strictly a physical experience. Keep this in mind, you ARE the gatekeeper for your own body. You take charge. Determine to not be used in a relationship. Someone who only wants to sleep with you or you with them without doing the hard work of establishing the context, is only using the other person for their own wants and self-gratification. Even though it feels good, it falls short of best. Maintain self-respect. Choose to honor the person you are with and your children (if there are children). Treat sex with respect.
A word of caution is in order: The choice of the person you will marry is the second most important decision you will ever make. Look for characteristics in that other person that will withstand the test of time. Don’t sell yourself short.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the joy of mystery while you date.
8. Only consider having children when you have thought it through–the moral, social, and spiritual ways you will parent them. Don’t conceive children until you know how you will raise them.
Parenting is an endeavor that takes great effort, self-control, calm, and is best with a reasoned approach. Contrary to what is popular and in vogue, I personally don’t believe parents must be financially well-off as a measuring stick for when to have children. Some poor people and people who live within modest means have raised children whose contributions have benefited humankind. Spoiling offspring is not in their best interest for it can create a lack of appreciation or regard and respect for many important areas of life. These children will become adults. Responsibilities learned during youth contribute to responsible adulthood. As an adult, it is best to deal with your anger issues and emotional areas in advance as much as possible before parenthood ushers in. Your reactions will be challenged during the stress of parenting. Children deserve a safe, well-rounded, secure and nurturing home environment, which is your responsibility as their parent. They have needs that must be met.
Too late? Start NOW. Figure it out. Here is a guide for Intentional Parenting that I put together.
Learn the basics of child-rearing and have a plan—you will need it.
9. Only embrace what is healthy for living and doesn’t cause harm to others. Don’t ignore your whole person—spiritual, emotional, physical, and financial.
Those who shoot in the dark will miss the mark. Life is not about status, glamor, power, and prestige, despite what modern society boasts. Life is about character, wisdom, and grace; hard work, astute choices, and perseverance; giving, loving, and helping. Those who manage their self well–without crutches, treat people right–of all races, creeds, religions, and socioeconomic standings, and maintain their integrity–by doing what is right, moral, and good and then being consistent and faithful to this, are the ones who will WIN at life. Determine to develop yourself in all areas and to not neglect or ignore those areas you don’t want to deal with right now. Mental health is exceedingly important and should not be ignored. You don’t want to live life in a numb capacity. Deal with your stuff or it will spew forth and negatively impact all of your relationships-socially, at work, and in your home or family relations.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn the pleasure of pursuing the better thing, a life well-lived.
10. Only allow a viewpoint that will guide you toward a positive outcome. Don’t fixate on the negatives–what is wrong, bad, or worrisome.
Negative thinking projects varying degrees of failure and blame. We are what we think. Determine to find the good–in people, in situations, and in difficulties. This will affect how you project your future to your own self and help you to accept or ignore other people’s failings and inconsiderate ways. Mean or narcissistic individuals project rudeness and ill-will–but this need not be you or your future. No one can rob you of your personal outlook or joy. Cue, choose to be cheerful; it helps.
Too late? Start NOW.
Learn to focus your thoughts on positive ways to turn a conversation or improve a situation.
11. Only focus on what fans the flame of your place in a bigger picture than self. Don’t become too self-absorbed or over-fixate on your wants, needs, and desires.
Your life matters. It does. But there is a problem. Most people tend toward being self-absorbed. This self-serving attitude has been inbred by the indulgent ways of a culture that frequently stresses ‘me’ more than ‘us.’ We ALL are affected by this. It takes great effort to reorder our thinking and to recognize this as a part of our thinking. A belief that says–life revolves around me and getting my way–is a faulty belief system. If this is you, you need to stop it. You are feeding the wrong attitude. Society mistakes convenience, affluence, achievement, attractive looks, influence, and success as markers of worthiness, self-worth and value, which they aren’t at all. In reality, self-worth is a form of valuing who we are and what we have to offer. Hard work and consistency are necessary for a healthy view of self. Choices to serve humanity with the skills, blessing and assets a person has, and the giving of self, inwardly and outwardly for the better good, is penultimate to personal and social goodness and greatness. Sacrificial people get it right. History is proof.
Too late? Start now.
Learn to recognize the signs of self-absorption–then do something different.
12. Only pursue that which will grow you as a person and develop your life in a way that enriches it and those you know. Don’t waste your life.
Learn everything you can and extrapolate the richness found in each element. This will be a life-time endeavor. Life is full of broken dreams and degrees of loss. Each step forward costs a few steps backwards. Explore the components that cause a relationship to thrive and know the hot buttons that frustrate the effort. Open your mind to new possibilities–they will arrive when you least expect them. Self-evaluate, learn. Self-evaluate, grow. Learn from your mistakes so you won’t make them again. Improve your game every single day. Be honest with yourself. Apologize when you hurt someone. Make amends. Develop your mind. Remember the spiritual aspects, these are huge, and increase in your knowledge of them. Don’t blame God for the troubles in life; it’s not His fault and it won’t help. Respect yourself by humbly becoming the person you know you should be and by slipping the bonds of injustice. Seek answers to the difficult questions. Cultivate friendships with people who make you a better person, who contribute to your life. If you are attracted to people who are not good for you, then you need to explore why you gravitate in that direction and find a better way. Become more than you ever thought possible as you become a person of strength, integrity, grit, and determination. Live for that which is noble, and you won’t be disappointed or embarrass yourself.
Learn to stand up for what is right, for fair treatment of all people, for the good of the environment, and to help those without a voice.
13. Only you can use the tools you have been given. Don’t quit.
Your life is a force. We all start at different places. Some have much to overcome. Theirs will be a harder road forward. Some have had it easy, with much support and bunches of loving people to help them. Some have physical limitations that make their lives difficult. Others have been marked by abuse. They will go through the fire before they come to a place of healing and freedom, which might not come but will always be sought. There are many limitations, and we all have some. But deficits are not the end. The key is to look up and find a better way. You have specific tools that you have been given, some at birth, and some during life. Develop and grow as you take the tools and learn how to use and enhance them. To stagnate or stop will only keep you enclosed. You have a gift. You are the only one person who has your particular gift. If you aren’t sure what your gift is then I suggest that you get involved in life and pursue figuring it out. My gifts were not apparent to me until I was four decades into it. Believe me, you DO have a gift. In fact, your life is a gift. You are the only one who can live it. Only you can preserve the life you have. You are either preserving life or destroying life–your own life and others’ lives. I learned that concept from a friend–and it holds true.
Too late? Start now.
Learn to be self-aware, that way you will know when your thoughts are going awry.
14. Only by noticing the good will you be able to see it. Don’t forget to smell the roses.
There is a secret to enjoying life. You must open your eyes and look for the beauty found within it. Your thoughts can be transformed when you make a daily choice to find things of loveliness that speak to your inner self. A gentle word, kindness, love, nature, music, color, texture, laughter, water and so forth have a power to take you there, to the quiet place of beauty and love. Loveliness is the component found in the smallest parts of life that sing to the soul and spirit. Everyone has the capacity to find it. Are you sad? Look for a smile. Are you lonely? Look for someone you can help. Are you angry? Look at a flower, smell it, think a happy thought. Are you wounded? Let it go, down the waterfall and into the rapids; let it flow away. It is only harming you. Do it again, and again. Inhale a deep breath, slowly exhale as you relax. Allow yourself to be refreshed, again and again and again. Let God come close, and He will. That is another part of the journey that will make it much better. Comedies help too.
Too late? Start now.
Learn to look for beauty and you will find it.
My credentials for writing this post: I am the mother of five millennials, and I am an aunt to ten millennials.
