Category Archives: Relationships

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Tools for Parenting Well

I’m speaking for a baby shower this week. I thought of a lot of different angles I could take, including highlighting mothers in the Bible. But in the end I decided to approach my talk from the perspective of tools that are useful on your parenting journey. These tools are applicable to all of life and so I am sharing them here with you.

When you are a professional, you have tools that are essential to your trade. You were trained in how to use them—and then you set forth to do so. The same is true in parenting, that is, in parenting well. First off, it helps to know where you’re heading before you begin to use your tools.

Keep the End Game in Mind

Know the end game–where you’re heading with your parenting. Then figure out what will get you there. A Christian home takes Christian parenting. You are putting into your child at all times. It helps to know what you will need before you need it!

Love is Essential

Love makes a way. Love blesses. Love cares for needs even when you’re tired. Love get you through the terrible twos, potty training, and each and every day. Love even loves a teenager who’s giving you sass.

Incorporate Laughter

Humor makes your home fun. Pastor Pete liked to say, “Are you fun to live with?” We can be too serious at times. Lighten up. Enjoy your child. Look for the humor in situations. But do be careful with sarcasm that cuts.

Encourage Healthy Self-Concepts

Validate your child. Accept his or her uniqueness. Play to their strengths. Be sensitive to their fears. Refrain from belittling them when they are afraid. Minimize comparisons. Strive to know your child as a person, especially as they enter their own. Some parents do this extremely well, and those parents stand out. Some fail miserably. Be careful with the criticisms. A child’s spirit is easily bruised.

Pray Often

Prayer is a resource always available to you. We pray for our child’s protection. We pray for their spiritual life, their salvation and growth. We pray when they’re sick. We pray, pray, and pray. Our prayers broaden as our children grow into adulthood. As our parenting role lessens, we are letting go, letting them make their own decisions as we are simultaneously praying for them to make wise choices.

Give Thanks and Be Grateful

Along with prayer, we give thanks to God. We develop a spirit of gratitude. We turn negative situations into a cause for giving thanks. This turns negatives into positives and eases tensions in the home. Our homes reflect the gratefulness of our hearts.

Speak Words of Praise in All Things

God tells us to give praise in all things, which means both good and bad. The amazing thing about giving God praise in all things is what God does with our prayers of praise. He acts on our praises. I’m just learning this one and what a difference it makes.

Teach the Best Things

Parents teach. We teach about God and spiritual matters. We teach about the world and our relationship to it. We teach by example. It is wise to examine our views on matters of race, belonging, gender identity, and topics close to home. We teach about being good citizens, how to be a good sport, how to treat people right, and how to work hard and do it right. We teach how to care, love, affirm, and help. We are constantly teaching our children how to view the world they live in.

Shape Your Child’s Life for Real Life

We as parents are given an awesome responsibility. Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. Discipline is part of this. Structure is part of this. Guidance is part of this. Love is part of this. Children respond to judicious use of all of these.

However, it doesn’t work too well to hover and smother … helicopter parenting–they are over-protecting. Nor does it work well to not have limits or boundaries … where the children are calling the shots and manipulating you. Teach them to listen to you–which helps them respect you. Obedience follows. We are also learning to listen to God. Then we are more apt to obey Him as we should.

Most importantly, refrain from being harsh, punitive, and controlling–this is your responsibility. Children do not forget when you’ve been unreasonable or unfair.

In Conclusion

Children are gifts from God. Treat them as such. They are blessings and joys, and they are vessels to be filled. Fill them with love, goodness, and grace.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine on you, and your children, and your children’s children.

Selah

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Photo Credit – Chris Benson, Unsplash

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A Sad Boy and the Puppy that Saved Him

That year his world turned upside down.

He was my student with a contagious smile. Every morning the third grade boy greeted me with a smile. But, oh my, was he inattentive and hyper. His eyes twinkled with mischief. I looked for ways to help him focus. It was a daily challenge.

He and I came up with a system for containing his constant, noisy, disruptive behavior. I placed a student desk next to my teacher desk. I said he could move over to that desk whenever he needed to calm himself.

It worked like a charm. This was a help to his peers since he tended to distract the whole class. Part way into the year, though, the light left his eyes and His demeanor changed. His mother told me why. His father had left them.

She opened up about it, how she was struggling with nerves and depression, how hard it was on her and the children. No doubt her depression and angst was making it harder for her son. He was not nearly as cheerful as before. That is, until he got Blackie, his puppy.

And puppy makes it better.

My, how he loved his puppy. Day after day he told the class about his puppy’s antics. One day, though, something was terribly wrong. He was sobbing before school outside the classroom, while I was unlocking the door.

I asked the class to wait outside a moment. The class stood quietly while the boy and I stepped inside. He said his puppy was missing. They’d searched but hadn’t been able to find him. I brought the class inside and explained how Blackie was now lost.

My student described Puppy so we could be on the lookout. An already sad boy was now even sadder than sad. I had heard of studies that show how third grade boys are especially impacted by any significant relational loss. Losing the puppy was bad timing for a wounded little boy.

My thoughts were heavy that night. I knew my student needed his beloved Puppy. After dinner I prayed that Blackie would be found for a little boy who needed the love of his puppy and who needed to care for his pet.

An answer to prayer.

The next day I was unlocking the classroom door when I heard, “Good Morning, Mrs. Wieland.” He had a twinkle in his eye, and he was grinning ear to ear. “We found Blackie!” He and I high-fived.

“Thank you, Jesus,” I said in my mind as my class tumbled into the room.

I saw this same boy a few years later. He was a tall, lanky 6′ 2″ high school student. He grinned and said, “Hi, Mrs. Wieland, how are you doing?” His smile was as big as ever. I was happy to see him.

This much I know. God cares about little boys.

. . .

Photo by Giuseppe Renzi