Category Archives: SPIRITUAL GROWTH Series (Inner Transformation)

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When Envy Rears Its Ugly Head (12)

002If only…   I wish…  Not fair….         

Oh No! Stinkin’ thinkin’ crops up once again.

I decidedly do not like it when I feel pangs of envy.
Often envy stems from a sense that someone else has it better than I do. For me, my feelings of envy are not in the areas of material possessions or others having more than I have, even though I can wish for things like nice homes and beautiful furnishings. That is not where I get envious. My feelings of envy come out of a negative place in me, those times when I compare myself to others in the area of our accomplishments (or lack there-of). I can be envious of others when I see them achieve in areas in which I have tried to be successful.

It is like when someone else gets the position I have hoped for or gets the recognition I have never received.
Many times I have been envious of others who receive the promotions or get the jobs or other opportunities of which I have hoped would come my way. Even in the writing venue this has been true. The writing contests I’ve lost and book turn-downs can feed this monster in me called envy–those times when I see others achieving while I have to watch on the sidelines after doing the hard work to even compete. Sour grapes? Green-Eyed Monster? All I know is that I have wasted a lot of time on empty hopes and dreams. Even those who have successful marriages with a mate who has remained by their side through the test of time, can make me feel envious. I don’t want to fight it anymore.  I don’t want to be envious. Ever. But it has a way of creeping up on a person.

Lately, envy has presented itself once again.
A friend of mine who was recently widowed is already in a loving, caring, Christ-centered relationship. My first thought was, “Why her?” “She had her turn (in a good marriage).” See how unloving and unkind the thoughts of envy can produce in me? Truth be told, I am happy for her. I just get unhappy for me! That’s the real problem. I had a dream to write a book that would sell and bless and lead to a ministry to help hurting people. It hasn’t happened. I do know I am supposed to be writing. It is up to God to give the increase. I have to let it go for it is God’s plan to do as He wills. Then I can rejoice with them.

I can feel envy even when I am trying to talk myself out of it. It can bite me. I assume I am not alone in this either. I bet in the ministry there is “pastoral” or “church” envy or even its opposite, pastoral or church pride.  In my spiritual understanding, I shouldn’t be sad at all. I should be glad that God is at work in another person’s ministry. When I think of it in that way, I do become glad. It is the grace of God which moves and directs all our paths. I should be good with that. Most of the time I am.

The cool thing is, and there is a cool thing, I can get out of this funk by looking to my Savior.
Who is receiving success is not something I can determine or measure with any sort of accuracy. Only God knows the heart and the work he is doing which makes it okay when others do well. I am a dreamer and a believer in the possible positive. Kingdom thinking is what is needed. It is not about others’ performance and successes, it is about being faithful. If I am where God wants me to be, doing what He wants me to do and letting Him run my life, we’re good. Real good. Knowing this frees me up.

I have matured enough to recognize envy when it knocks on my door. Hey, go away.  I want to be so close to God that none of that matters. I know better than to let it get the best of me. As soon as I see envy in myself I address it and talk horse-sense to myself. You’re feeling envious. . .   I give God the glory for what He is doing even when it is for someone else. Envy is self-focused. I don’t want to be that way. It is my desire to be God-focused and Christ-centered.

I posted on social media about my recent bout with envy:

I had an attack of envy today. I was thinking something wasn’t fair because I am not as fortunate as this other person in a certain area. I just hate it when I feel envious of someone else. I don’t want to feel that way. At least I realized it for what it was and called it out. ‘Girl friend, you’re feeling envious. Knock it off!’ Some things jump up and grab us. We have to dismantle them in a hurry.”

A close friend of mine responded to my comment with these words:

You might be envious of a few but MANY are envious of you. You are a tough act to follow girl!”

Which just goes to show how silly it is to envy others when in reality others are envious of us!
There are verses that speak of envy. To chase envy away it helps to live close to the Lord. To paraphrase Oswald Chambers, he said that we should be pleased and content even if we are put in the meanest place on earth, our hope is Christ and our reward is in Him as well. That puts it all into perspective. If we live in a right relationship with God there will not be room for envy to take over. We can face it and dismantle it and then go on with life. We can let God do what He is going to do and then to be content with it. As the old song says,  “Let it go, let it go, let it go.”

Let’s try this. Be happy today, tomorrow, and the next day. . .

Be happy today.
Be grateful for the little things.
Look for positives to celebrate.
Be thankful for your eyesight, hearing, senses, and provisions.
Recognize all who love you and care about your needs.
Smile at people as you shop in the grocery store.
Be friendly.
Be kind.
Be caring.

This is a good way to chase the envies away. Yes!

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Facing Loss in a Healthy Way (11)

 LOSS  REQUIRES ACTION

Lookout 003

Loss affects all of us. It is one of those hard things you can’t deflect. It comes when it comes. There is no stopping it. The effects of loss crowd into our lives like unwelcome intruders, sabotaging our happiness in sad, hurtful, confusing, difficult-to-deal-with ways. 

Lost love is a particularly painful loss. It hits hard in many ways: Separation, divorce, abandonment, relationship break-ups, rejection, dementia, or death.  

Some losses take a toll in our personal lives. We lose jobs and positions, status and reputations. We lose our innocence, or health, finances, possessions, family, or friendships. Each causes some fall out. Our coping mechanisms are taxed.

When loss occurs, we are forced to make a choice. What will we do with the bad that just happened to us? Will we meet it head-on or will we run from it? To be healthy in our emotions requires that we become proactive in our response to the specific loss. The emotion must be figured out, what we have believed as a result of the loss that has disrupted our steps, belief, or way of life, and may have brought our lives to a screeching halt. The feelings of blame or regret, anger or bitterness, may be directed towards others, ourselves or God.

 The pain of loss is strong. Because of this, the cure or remediation will take time, effort, and determination. One must not hide, live in denial, bury or shield the pain. We must choose a better way. We will recover if we choose life and healing and another new day. Loss, of any kind, has a period of grieving attached. It takes time to sort through the thoughts and feelings associated with the loss. To deny this is to shut down one’s emotions in an unhealthy way. Moving forward as we deal with loss will come as we look for answers, solutions, and then find them.

WAYS TO MOVE FORWARD AFTER LOSS

1. Acknowledge the loss for what it is. Face and accept it.

2. Grieve the loss. This will take time. 

3. Separate and categorize your thoughts from your feelings.

  1. What are the facts? What is true?
  2. What are my feelings in relationship to the facts?
  3. What will be hard for me?
  4. Who can help me?
  5. What are the outside factors?

4. Address the area of loss and its impact. Begin to form new thoughts.

  1. Evaluate the circumstances (the cause and effect, or personal loss)
  2. Institute change and set goals for yourself.
  3. Seek to improve or remediate specific areas related to the circumstance.
  4. Develop a positive dynamic with an accountability or caring partner.
  5. Initiate positive steps to self-improvement.

5. Move forward in personal areas.

  1. Read a lot of self-help and/or spiritual material,  write and/or journal as a way to express your thoughts, and seek wise counsel and/or spiritual guidance.
  2. Include physical activity; it will release a positive sense of well-being.
  3. Develop social connections and involve yourself in activities.
  4. Find ways you can help others: Volunteer, give, help, join a civic group.
  5. Join a support group through church or other caring groups. Find a niche with common experiences.

I want you to know that you will make it. Do not despair, the sun will rise again. A new day will be yours. You will find your new path. It may take hours, days, months, or years, but you will find your way to happiness once again. Join me and many others who have crawled out of the pit, who have been side-lined many times by curve balls from out of no-where, and made the choice to hang on to hope for dear life … and hope delivered.