The story continues. I learn more of “Emily’s” personal story over the course of a few days. My admiration for her begins to grow. This woman is resilient.
Healing will Remove the Silent Scream
October 1, 20**
10/1, 11:30am
Me:
Hi Emily. GBU my friend.
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October 4, 20**
10/4, 11:17am
Me:
It was nice to hear your voice today, and your honest comments (teleconference call). That took courage. Blessings, my friend.
10/4, 11:18am
Emily:
Thx…it was super hard to speak really. Was praying Jennifer would have just left me out and run out of time really
It was nice to hear your voice as well
10/4, 11:20am
Me:
I bet!
10/4, 11:47am
Emily:
PTL!!!! Doc just called and sons test r normal
10/4, 11:57am
Me:
Yay! PTL! My daughter had an EEG a week ago. So, I hope hers is like your son’s.
10/4, 11:58am
Emily
I’ll pray it is so
10/4, 12:43pm
Me:
TU
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October 5, 20**
10/5, 9:05pm
Emily:
congrats g’ma! nice profile pic!
10/5, 9:19pm
Me:
Thanks. Only problem, they live 1200 miles from me! I see them two times a year on average. Crazy! At least this way we don’t get tired of each other!
10/5, 9:20pm
Emily:
bummer…at least u had a reason to visit right now
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October 6, 20**
10/6, 10:44pm
Emily:
I can’t sleep
10/7, 12:51am
Me:
Yep. I’m still up. Try doing mind games. That may help. See how many names for God you can think up. Count them as you go. It’s amazing how many there are.
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October 7, 20**
10/7, 5:07am
Emily:
got kid off to school…now back to bed
10/7, 6:10am
Emily:
just great…couldn’t sleep last night and can’t sleep this morning…guess i’ll sign into work from home
could use some extra prayers today though…prayers that all the hands from my past would stay off of me.
10/7, 7:58am
Me:
We don’t want to just slap those memories down, we want to remove their silent scream. This is such a major spiritual battle. At least you know that God is meeting you there and He will carry you through until you find peace in your soul. Opening the sorrows of the past has now forced you to deal with them.
I believe and know you can gain deep healing. How? God will take you to the end of your human effort first. He empties us of our yuck (during surrender) and then fills that spot with Himself. How do you do this? I think we’re all different. The prayers of praying friends join in the battle. It’s a spiritual transforming on the inside.
Some people never engage, they always avoid. These people live a life of chains. I want Emily to break free.
Father God. Help Emily today especially since she is short on restful sleep. Reach down and touch her in that deep place where these ugly experiences have hurt her soul and continue to haunt her thoughts. Free her, dear God. Make her anew. Give her the joy of You. Bless her. Remove all the pride, unforgiveness, and pain from her injured self. Bless Emily today. May she hear Your whispers of joy and know Your loving embrace. Praise you. Amen
10/7, 7:59am
Emily:
i feel so far from the things i wrote for the book…ps 139:14 I’m fearfully and wonderfully made…how did i stray so far?
10/7, 8:01am
Me:
I don’t think you strayed. I think God is asking you to go further. He has a way of doing that.
10/7, 8:02am
Emily:
ya…don’t have anymore fight left in me
i just want it all to be done
10/7, 8:58am
Me:
Keep hope in front of you. “I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me.” Repeat as often as needed! Good medicine for a weary soul. Hang in there, Emily.
10/7, 10:53am
Me:
So you know, there are times when I feel very weak. We’re all vulnerable.
10/7, 10:54am
Emily:
This season seems to be dragging on and on though
10/7, 10:58am
Me:
Yes. Remember this, it’s the journey that counts, not just the end result. Took me a long time to realize this.
You will learn things during your journey out of the pit that you wouldn’t learn on the side-lines. Experiential truth based in spiritual truth is powerful. You’ll get there. I have faith in you. If you didn’t care, you would have quit when the going got rough.
10/7, 10:59am
Emily:
I’ve been telling people for yrs it’s bout the journey.
10/7, 11:05am
Me:
Okay
10/7, 11:18am
Emily:
does it say anywhere we gotta LIKE the journey?
10/7, 11:20am
Me:
No! I think the journey is not for the faint of heart! But it is nice to look back and see how far we’ve come.
10/7, 11:22am
Emily:
except for weeks and months where it looks more like I’m stepping backwards instead of forwards
10/7, 11:55am
Me:
Why do you think this is?
10/7, 12:21pm
Emily:
Mood…perspective…lack of support
10/7, 12:35pm
Me:
Is your family supportive?
10/7, 12:36pm
Emily:
They’ve not been supportive since I was born…don’t get me wrong…we love each other dearly…they just don’t get me and have never really tried. I tend to be the one they all come to for support and help
10/7, 12:39pm
Emily:
When my son was diagnosed blind at 5 days old, I held my mother who was a basket case. I had to reassure her everything would be ok with us even though my hormones were CRAZY from just giving birth and all the hopes and dreams I had for my son were ripped away. I held it all together til he was about 5 and everyone seemed to be able to manage on their own. Then I could fall apart.
10/7, 12:47pm
Emily:
And don’t hear me wrong…it’s not that I don’t have hopes and dreams for him..they’ve just changed.
10/7, 12:50pm
Me:
You’ve had to be the parent to the parent some of the time. That can be a burden. I’m glad there is love even if there is failure to understand. Your son will find his own niche. Jennifer spoke highly of him. That was a joy to listen to.
10/7, 12:51pm
Emily:
u can find the video she was talking about in my videos on my fb page
10/7, 12:52pm
Me:
Ok.
10/7, 12:53pm
Emily:
along with being a comedian he is a gifted musician so there’s a few of his older videos there. i’m working on putting together his most recent compilation as he just played as an organist for the first time in a church a couple weeks ago. he’s played special music over the years, but never been THE only organist for the whole service before
10/7, 1:16pm
Me:
That’s truly amazing. Isn’t God good! You know, he uses the (seemingly) weak things in the world to confound the wise.
10/7, 1:21pm
Emily:
by the worlds standards they would refer to him as weak because of his blindness and hearing loss and being on the autism spectrum…i’ve often shared in small groups or bible studies over the years that i’d like to grow up to be just like him.
this kid is strong in character and not giving a rip what others think and paving his own paths and so much more…much of my bible teaching is spattered with real life analogies of his life or my life or our lives. i’m big on application of the word and not just letting it get stuck in a book as words for someone to know. the changing comes from applying it to our lives…
10/7, 1:22pm
Emily:
and just saying that…a light light bulb has come on…needing to work on applying some things…gonna have to spend some time digging through scripture to find WHAT things, but change will come with the application of them…that i know for certain
10/7, 1:27pm
Me:
You rock!
10/7, 1:29pm
Emily:
funny how when I’m involved in teaching classes or speaking at conferences how i am changed and challenged in the preparation and even speaking or teaching. seems that being without a church these days that i’m not teaching or even attending a weekly small group and that doesn’t look good on me i guess
10/7, 1:39pm
Me:
True. Happens. I’m going to send you a poem later that I wrote for a friend, someone who has suffered from bipolar symptoms her whole life. I think it would resonate with you. I can’t access it from my Ipad and don’t have time to get it right now.
God sets us aside, to help us find Him and long for Him. It is different than teaching. I love to teach just like you do. The combination of reading, listening, and teaching/preaching/sharing truth is dynamite.
JUST PLAIN SCARED
I learn Emily has faced some obstacles bravely and has been strong when she could have crumbled.
We often quote this saying, God works in mysterious ways. There’s a reason for it. Much of life has a mystery to it. As Emily and I grew closer in friendship, we would have times where we experienced identical happenings on the very same day, like when both her son and my daughter got their braces off the same afternoon. It became almost uncanny.
The conversation continues.
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LINKS
>next post: Stinkin’ thinkin’, insecurity, and reality: Conversations with Emily (10)
<previous post: Tears, assault, and its living memory: Conversations with Emily (8)
|<<first post: A woman at risk: Conversations with Emily (1)
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I welcome your comments. Thank you.
