“Emily” mentions the sensation of touch and the way it causes her to pull back. From what I’ve been told but have not experienced in a personal way, the body remembers the abuse it has received, sort of like muscle memory.
JUST PLAIN SCARED: CONVERSATIONS WITH EMILY
The conversation continues.
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November 10, 20**
11/10, 10:07
Me: So, how you been?
11/10, 10:08pm
Emily: I’m falling asleep here. Busy weekend and busy week ahead.
Body memories have been lingering past few days.
How bout u? What’s new?
11/10, 10:11pm
Me: I figured no news was good news. I am okay. I’ve been struggling a little bit with motivation. My internet class on marketing is a bit of a challenge. I am trying to teach an old dog new tricks! But, I am determined. I’ve met some nice people on line. Good to hear from you.
11/10, 10:11pm
Emily: Gn
11/10, 10:12pm
Me: GN.
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November 11, 20**
11/11, 4:16am
Emily: Sorry…I was fallin asleep and when I read your last response last night I thought u were winding down the conversation to end. When I read it again this AM I feel like I was so rude and just cut u off. I’m sorry ur struggling with motivation. I love ur determination to learn even when it’s hard! Keep trucking along and you’ll be so stinking excited on the other side. I am so proud of u!
(Emily and I commence to have a long talk about a makeup product Emily sells. We plan to do a facial over Skype/FaceTime. Most of this part of our conversation is deleted from this post.)
11/11, 8:12am
Me: My skin is normal. It is a little more dry than it used to be (the wrinkles!!!), . . . I could go through the motions with your products so you get the practice. Just a thought. Btw, I was ready to say GN last night anyways. I knew it was late for you.
11/11, 8:19am
Emily: do u already have a consultant?
11/11, 8:22am
Me: I don’t wear much makeup.
11/11, 8:22am
Emily: Well from ur profile pic I can tell u’ve taken really good care of ur skin
11/11, 8:25am
Me: I really don’t take care of it very well. Just lucky and live a fairly good lifestyle.
11/11, 8:33am
Emily: No need to shoulda all over urself it’s just helpful for me to know what’s working for ya and what ur looking for to help enrich what u have going on
11/11, 8:36am
Me: Have you been consulting very long?
11/11, 8:37am
Emily: Just a year and a half. Never wore makeup washed face or owned a skirt prior to this. It’s soooooooo far outside my box that family thought I was pranking them when they found out
11/11, 8:38am
Me: Btw, I will be getting off this in a moment. Crazy…your comment. Life is full of surprises. Be good … Later
11/11, 8:38am
Emily: Ttyl
11/11, 10:06am
Emily: Hey…wanted to go back to last nights response again…no news could mean good news but more often than not it’s prob me withdrawing cuz I’m not in a good place…just FYI for future. Thought u should know. Sometimes it’s hard to read people we don’t really know and then it’s even harder over the internet with out the face to face body language.
11/11, 10:41am
Me: Yes. Thanks for the heads up. It will help. Was that the case?
11/11, 10:41am
Emily: Some
But some just really busy
11/11, 10:43am
Me: I have to confess, I’ve been struggling some too. Not anything big…just some.
11/11, 10:45am
Emily: Funny how prayer requests on launch page are exactly how I’ve been feeling last couple months. I even left the team and the helping the hurting page and no one ever missed me. Gone over three weeks maybe even a month now.
11/11, 10:47am
Me: I think the trouble is, there isn’t time to do it all. People do care, they do, but they also have their own lives. Even writing the blog takes me a full day, and then I revisit it. But, gotta go work now. I will say more later.
11/11, 10:47am
Emily: K
11/12, 4:10am
Emily: Thx…gonna send skin care and color card. We can use ur foundation since u already have it and I’ll throw in a couple samples of things we can add in to enhance what ur already doing. Dropping it in the mail first thing this AM
11/12, 6:34am
Me: Gonna pretty me up! Thanks Emily!
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November 14, 20**
11/14, 2:10pm
Me: Hi Emily, I’m sorry but I will have to postpone the facial to another night. I forgot that tonight is the ending to my online marketing class. It will be a live tele-seminar and I expect it will go long. Would this mess you up? I could do it tomorrow night. I would prefer it rather than doing a back to back meeting. But, your time is impt too. I just checked the mail and the product didn’t arrive. Guess that settles it.
How are you? I hope you had a fair or better day! Bless you… Always!
11/14, 3:13pm
Emily: yes we can move it…
I’m struggling today…maybe i’ll go to bed early and be better tomorrow…all i wanna do is sleep. can’t seem to stay awake no matter if its 11am or 11pm. have fallen asleep in the middle of working the last 3 nights.
off to the laundry mat to dry our laundry…dryer went out two weeks ago
11/14, 3:48pm
Me: It arrived while I was on the afternoon school run 🙂 that’s good! Thanks for being understanding about today. I hate to reschedule. Maybe you need the rest. Actually, b/c I was asked to speak on Sunday my mind is stuck on that subject. Spending lots of time on my class as well. Several hrs today when you add it all up. Sort of glad it’s about over. Still have some assignments to complete. Take care.
11/14, 3:51pm
Emily: Don’t worry bout rescheduling…happens a few times a week really. Just seems to be the name of the game. Let me know what works for ya next week so we can get it scheduled before I lose some of my flexibility with other appts people are booking. Thanks.
11/14, 6:15pm
Me: Just finished! Whew…
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November 15, 20**
11/15, 10:33am
Me: Thinking of you. Praying for you.
11/15, 4:03pm
Emily: pretty much crying all day and now i need to go out in public with red and puffy eyes and pretend I’m just fine
11/15, 4:16pm
Me: That’s no fun. I’ve done that before. Does your son notice that you’re down?
11/15, 5:09pm
Emily: Sometimes
11/15, 7:27pm
Me: Sons can be amazing sometimes. They can be quite sensitive. Yet, they don’t always show it.
11/15, 8:37pm
Emily: long story short…it has actually been my son that has taught me how to feel. spent my entire life numb to the world around me in order to survive it, but this kid has been a snuggler since birth and even as a teenage son still is. problem for me is…he’s a boy and can sometimes make my skin crawl…actually a lot of time. its a challenge for me to have to remind myself about being in the present and not detaching from both him and the current reality in which I’m safe.
11/15, 11:00pm
Me: A gift God uses to help you. I’m so glad you are willing to push yourself to be present with him.
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November 16, 20**
11/16, 3:51am
Emily: I share often, just yesterday again, he wasn’t an accident no matter how unplanned he was in my life…I wouldn’t be alive today to talk bout it if he hadn’t been born cuz the path I was on would have led to my death. His arrival in my life changed the course I was on.
11/16, 9:05am
Me: Praise God. Really. It’s amazing that you had a maternal desire even despite your life being caught/immersed in a vortex of bondage. Did you turn to God in a quick way or was it a process over time?
11/16, 9:11am
Emily: Spent my entire life running from him. But always ended up back at his feet because I didn’t know what else to do
11/16, 9:20am
Me: Do you doubt God’s existence (at times), His reality? Or not?
11/16, 9:21am
Emily: Never doubted the existence but often very angry with him
Blamed him for not protecting me a lot But now I see looking back of how often he probably saved my life
More than just spiritually
11/16, 9:24am
Me: Interesting observation. That’s a key thing to realize.
11/16, 9:26am
Emily: Took years but there’s so much freedom in it
11/16, 9:26am
Me: Yes. What were the tears about yesterday?
11/16, 9:28am
Emily: Haven’t figured it out yet
11/16, 9:29am
Me: Are you an extrovert?
11/16, 9:34am
Emily: I fall in both camps whenever I take those tests
11/16, 9:34am
Me: I like talking with you. Tomorrow I speak in church. If a thought of me crosses your mind, say a prayer for me. At 10:30 my time.
11/16, 9:35am
Emily: U bet
11/16, 9:38am
Me: Gonna go do other things now. Hope today blesses you with some relief. I’m still praying for you and believe that one day you will be in a new and peaceful place. Just getting there is the on-going struggle. You are a fighter. Blessings … And, thanks.
11/16, 1:25pm
Emily: no tears til funeral today…now all i wanna do is cry again
11/16, 2:20pm
Me: Maybe you need a good cry. I will ask God to give you a thought that you can hold on to.
11/16, 2:35pm
Emily: no good cry…but 1/2 hr nap! aaaaaaa
just wanna put together an order i will deliver mon night and watch a movie and relax rest of night through…pray i can let kid down gently
he followed through on EVERYTHING he was supposed to get done today. finished homework, 2 loads of laundry, attitude, EVERYTHING
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The after-effects caused by physical and sexual abuse are locked in the memory which surface like a natural reaction to a stimulus event–even a light tap on the shoulder.
A few weeks ago I spent a day with a group of women who had troubled pasts. These dear ladies were seeking to be whole and healthy both spiritually and mentally. Most of them had suffered abuse from the opposite sex. They had this in common, their first reaction was to pull away from a male presence–and there was fear.
In this post Emily expresses it so naturally in a conversational way. I want you to notice her comments because many in the world are like her. They were traumatized and are left impacted by the trauma. All of us who have an interest in helping people in a spiritual fashion must keep in mind that the past includes many positive and negative experiences. The whole person must be considered when we are dispensing advice or sharing our faith. Those of us with lily white backgrounds need to come up to speed. We must have compassion and understanding for all who suffer.
What do you think is key in helping someone deal with the past effects caused by abuse?
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LINKS
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I welcome your comments.
