“It doesn’t mean anything. None of it matters anymore. I don’t seem to matter to God, so why should I care?  Tired of caring…not worth it anymore. I don’t have anything worth saying” the message read. Of course it mattered.

It Doesn’t Matter Anymore

September 23, 20**

9/23, 6:18am
Me:
How are you doing? (I’m on ch 6)

9/23, 6:21am
Emily:
i just want to stop crying all the time
i reached out to 2 diff therapists today…i need some help…i need to do something different if I’m gonna make it through whatever this is

9/23, 6:28am
Me:
Yes, that’s good. I will pray that they will be of help. Have you heard of theophostic ministry (counseling)?

9/23, 6:28am
Emily:
no…what is it

9/23, 8:11am
Emily:
ya doesn’t matter…found out from one of them i can’t afford to reach out for professional help

9/23, 8:20am
Me:
It is an approach where the counselor is a praying partner. They pray that God will reveal the lie believed that is at the heart of the person’s internal/emotional pain. They pray while the counselee is seeking God. God is the one who reveals it and heals it. I believe in it because that is what He did for me (on my own with no counsel).

He took me to the point of my first step into emotional wounding, and then He showed me that He was there with me, and somehow in that process, He stepped in and removed its hold over me. There are books on this but I don’t have any right now.

9/23, 8:23am
Emily:
it doesn’t matter anymore

9/23, 8:24am
Me:
What does that mean?

9/23, 8:25am
Emily:
doesn’t mean anything
none of it matters anymore
i don’t seem to matter to God so why should i care

9/23, 8:26am
Me:
I’m listening.

9/23, 8:26am
Emily:
tired of caring…not worth it anymore
i don’t have anything worth saying

9/23, 8:27am
Me:
Caring is what shows you’re alive.

9/23, 8:38am
Me:
We all have something to say. The misleading thing about telling everybody that we have something to say is that if the timing is not right, women will feel defeated. I have feared this, that women would begin speaking who are not in the right moment for it. Or they will fabricate to become a part of a movement. All we learn takes time and implementation of trust and truth. There are times when all we can do is hold on for dear life. Been there so many times, bearing my pain. Do not regret the hard/bad times. They are shaping you in ways that cannot come in the easy life.

You are a special woman, Emily. I’m sure you’ve said those words to others, too. The truth is, you don’t feel it deep inside. You’re tired of it all. I will say this, God is with you even now when He seems silent or uncaring. Tell Him like it is. No pretending. Get it ALL out. Then let Him come in and touch you with His quiet voice. You will have to relax and seek. Become still in your soul. I love you in Jesus, dear Emily. Cling to your Savior. Look for two or three graces today. Write them down.

9/23, 9:11am
Emily:
so r u saying i shouldn’t be saying anything cuz I’m not ready or others aren’t ready to hear what i have to say? or r u saying I’ve fabricated something?

9/23, 10:50am
Me:
Nothing about you. I just get worried that some damage might occur. I just don’t want anyone to feel compelled to speak out of pressure. I’ve thought of telling Jennifer (author) this but then thought may be it would not be welcome or seen as a downer. I wonder if some feel that way (in the book launch group).

I do think you should speak when it’s in your heart to do so. The fabricating is just a guess that it’s possible to happen at some point. I guess I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry. It scares me that it came across that I meant you. At this point, you’ve not opened up the thing that brings you pain, and I’m not asking you to. I only want to be an encouragement, a praying friend, to help where I can. I want you to know that God put you on my heart and I’m thankful that He did.

9/23, 10:52am
Me:
The fabricating, happens at some point with some others. Even the super spiritual thing is a mask we all can wear, has its own danger. I’m including myself in this.

9/23, 10:59am
Emily:
Im sorry i took it personally…usually i have thicker skin than that…
I’m not myself lately
have u finished ch 6 yet?

9/23, 11:05am
Me:
Relationship is the Starting Point, that’s what I just finished writing, it’s on my blog (old blog post re-posted on this site). Think you might find it interesting. Sorry, but haven’t got back to reading. I promise to soon and will let you know.

9/23, 11:05am
Emily:
nothing to be sorry about…just wondering
let me know when u finish 6 and we can talk more bout the book

9/23, 11:17am
Me:
I will. Gotta run now . Hang in there.

9/23, 11:20am
Emily:
k

9/23, 9:18pm
Me:
I read it and also Ch 8. Amazing stories. So many tragedies. But many blessings as well.

JUST PLAIN SCARED

Those words from “Emily” show that she’s struggling big time. What would you say to Emily? That’s a hard one. The main thing she needs to know is that someone cares, and that person is unbiased and neutral. Basically, a safe person.

The next Emily post is powerful. You’ll want to continue if you have the time. Emily and I get to the place where I show her what it is to open up to God with the hard stuff.

The conversation continues.

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LINKS

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<previous post:  The girl is vulnerable:  Conversations with Emily (4)

|<<first post:  A woman at risk:  Conversations with Emily (1)

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I welcome your comments on this post. Thank you.