LaVonne’s Story (Vision)

Prior to and while my oldest daughter was a student at Biola, a Christian university, she struggled with understanding and picturing what Christ did when He died on the cross for our sins. She wanted to grasp the concept, to feel it live and breathe within her. She loved God already, but she wanted a greater understanding of the crucifixion, and she wanted her understanding of salvation to become more meaningful and real than it was. She had expressed this to God and had wished and prayed for it for quite some time.  Somehow her belief felt like a cerebral, academic knowledge rather than a living, heart knowledge.

She was in class one day when the professor had the students listen to the song, Here I am to worship. They were to think on the words. The words were being sung “And I’ll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross” when a picture began to form in my daughter’s mind. All other thoughts were removed. It was like a video playing. She was viewing identical cookie cutter figures moving about. They were formed like gingerbread men, all the same size and without gender. Then she noticed one figure that was different than the others. It was bright white, lighter than all other figures. The video in her mind played on. When it was finished, she knew something amazing had happened, and she could finally see it, what Christ had done for her and for all humanity on that cross. Later in the day, she called me and told me about it. I asked her to write it down, and she did.

A few months ago, I came across a notebook of hers while I was sorting through tubs of old items while reorganizing. There was only one entry in the notebook, and it was what she had written on that day about her experience.

We talked about it and I asked her if I could share her writing with you. She said, “yes.” I asked more about it. She explained how the figures were of all shades of darkness, some with patches of dirt, like smudges, others were caked with filth, and some were mostly white with light shades of darkness. She said her mind felt full with no other thoughts crowding in. It was quite real and vivid.

When it was over, she wondered what had just happened to her and was mystified. But now she understood more clearly what happened at the cross, and she now had heart-knowledge of what took place as Christ died to make us whole. Her question was answered.

I share with you, her words.

Picture in Her Mind:

“Jesus was white, and everyone else looked just like him except they all were covered in dirt. Different people were dirtier, blacker, or whatever (than others). Then they all went and hugged Jesus. Jesus became dirtier than anyone. (He was) caked with filth. Everyone else became pure white as Jesus once was.”

“And I’ll never know how much it cost, to see my sin upon that cross.”

Light of the world, You stepped down into darkness; Open my eyes, let me see
Beauty that made this heart adore You; Hope of a life spent with You

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down; Here I am to say that You’re my God
Altogether lovely, altogether worthy; Altogether wonderful to me

King of all days, oh so highly exalted; You’re glorious in heaven above, yes You are
Humbly You came to this Earth You created; All for love’s sake became poor

Here I am to worship, here I am to bow down; Here I am to say that You’re my God
Altogether lovely, altogether worthy; Altogether wonderful to me

I’ll never know how much it cost; To see my sin upon that cross

…..

That’s the story my daughter told me so long ago. It still gives me the shivers. God does miraculous things. He chooses when and what. I am glad he shared this small vision of his suffering with my daughter. Its imagery impacted her. Her voice quivered the first time she told me. It was a beautiful yet reflective moment for her.

Here I Am to Worship