Forgivness is an Act of Mercy
COLD and weary of standing on the hard concrete, I kept ringing my bell and smiling at the children. The red bucket was getting fuller little bit by little bit. Harried Christmas shoppers hurried by me as they entered Target where I was stationed outside its doors. It was my post for the season as I collected moneys for the Salvation Army’s Christmas donations. I was doing a four week stint, eight to five. Whew, I yawned and paced trying to make the time go faster.
I know you. I recognized the man fast approaching the double glass doors. We’d never actually been friends, but I’d known him during my youth group days.
It’s a God Thing
I called out to him and said my maiden name hyphenated to my married name. He halted, glanced over, and then came over and greeted me. We chatted a bit about family and such. I was surprised. I’d never have thought he would give me the time of day. I was quiet and he was the life of the party and considered kind of a cool cat back in our youthful days. I knew he had recently gone through a difficult divorce, but he didn’t know that I knew.
“Did you hear “Sandy” left me?” He asked. I told him, I’d heard. Then he proceeded to tell me about it, how he couldn’t believe it, how she’d done a spectacular deaf ministry in the church—and left it, how surprised they all were, and how she was now living with a man and the kids were being drawn into her immoral lifestyle.
I had liked his wife, and she had been a friend of one of my sisters. She, my sister and I had even taken a road trip together before he and she had gotten married. Listening to him, I heard pain and disbelief. That was to be expected. But I wasn’t all that surprised. It happens to people who aren’t raised in the conservative church. They soon burn out on trying to be “good enough” because you can’t keep it up in the flesh without lots of practice. So they quit. I felt for her as much as for him. She hadn’t been given the right tools, in my opinion. That is no excuse, of course.
After listening a while and being surprised at how candid he was with me, I told him I had been through some painful times in my marriage and that he would get through it. Then I encouraged him to pray for his ex. “She will always be the mother of your children. She needs your prayers. Pray that God will draw her back to Him.” I had boldness in a way that wasn’t natural with me. I never thought in a million years that he would even talk to me and here I was giving him spiritual advice. I knew he would need to forgive her at some point.
How do you forgive something like that? Why should you? How can you forgive them? They wounded and betrayed you. How can you forgive yourself for your part in it, dragging the kids through a separation and divorce?
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 NIV
I don’t believe you can forgive without God helping you to forgive. Sad to say, you will be linked to that person forever unless you choose to forgive. Forgiveness releases you so you can go on without carrying a ball and chain along with you. Full forgiveness enables you to pray for the perpetrator because they need Jesus and the spiritual life He offers them.
Until you forgive, you don’t want to remember. You walk around numb on the inside as you bury a memory too horrible or sad to revisit. You go into hiding with your pain, but it makes you robotic and trapped. That is the greater tragedy. The cage keeps you enclosed. Forgiveness breaks the bars to let you out. You will find it worth the process to get there. Forgiveness may be ongoing, seventy times seven, as you release the person and their part in hurting you, to God. To be set free of it, first you must acknowledge what needs forgiving–then give it to God and seek His healing.
Days and years are spent trying to forget the past, not overcoming them. But you must overcome them or you will never be free. Don’t you want to be free? Even cruelty can be forgiven when God walks with you. You are giving them and their hurtful deeds to God. He is the righteous judge. Vengeance belongs to God.
Action Steps to Forgiving Others
- Ask God to prepare your heart before you take steps to forgive the offender of the offense.
- Have a praying friend pray for you as you walk through this valley of the shadow of death.
- Get alone with God or open up to a trusted friend, Christian counselor, pastor, or priest.
- Ask for God’s help as you do this seemingly impossible task, to forgive a person and their offense.
- Expect this to take an act of God carrying you along as the words leave your mouth and then leave your heart.
- Stay with it until your tears are spent, your ache has subsided, and God’s peace has arrived.
- Thank God, praise God, and seek His face for all you are worth.
A Prayer
Dear friend, do not carry the burden a step further. Like a heavy backpack on weary shoulders, unforgiveness is weighing you down and hindering your progress. Remove it. God will help you. To God be the glory, Norma
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