Norma L. Brumbaugh

Every chapter in When a Man You Loved was Abused offers useful insights into the character and destructive nature of sexual abuse. The author himself was an abuse victim. He later became a minister, missionary, writer, and advocate for abuse victims. I read this book for my own information but not as a support person for a victim of abuse. However, it indirectly spoke to some of my issues that injured me, which caused grateful emotion in me because of its helpfulness. One of the gifts Cec Murphey gives through this gently written book are tools for ‘being there’ for a support person of an abuse victim. I am in just such a situation with a person who has other troubling issues and have said to myself “I don’t know what to do” for I felt out of my league. I sensed ‘advice giving’ to be the wrong approach. From my reading I now know it would have been. I do know others affected by past abuse or living with someone who has its imprint in their past. I am glad for a resource I can recommend without reservation should the opportunity present itself. What I learned from this book is quite helpful. It gives guidance that will directly influence conversations to come. I highly recommend it for anyone who lay counsels. It contains proven insights applicable to sensitive situations. School teachers would benefit as well. As I was reading I thought of former students who had been molested, who didn’t feel loved or wanted. They struggled so. A second grader told me that no one loved him after he made a Valentine’s Day card–he drew a cracked heart, his words–with a little boy crying in it. I knew he believed it was true. From Murphey’s personal first-hand account along with the inclusion of other men’s stories, the wisdom presented in its content opens the door to greater understanding of damaged emotions and how they can be healed. Well written.