My Take on Grandparents, Parents & Children

I am thankful for family.

My Parents, late Grandparents, and my children mean the world to me. I am a blessed woman. My grandparents and parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and siblings collectively contributed to my life. You know when you are given a lot. I am in that category. Both sets of grandparents lived modest lives and they had similar values.

Family values are lived daily.

Ours was a family where you never heard a swear word, the adults rarely raised their voices, and alcohol and cigarettes were not part of the scene, neither was immodest dress or heavy make-up. Even greater than the outward expression of Christian beliefs and its matching lifestyle was the way the adults in my family lived out what they valued in the practical part of life. We were taught by example by all the key players in our lives. What they gave us was quality stuff.

Sunday morning. I’m in the yellow dress.

General Familial Values

To all people, be kind and considerate in word and deed.
Be responsible for your choices and actions.
Exhibit self-control. Be in control of what you are doing.
Money is to be used wisely and frugally. Make good financial decisions, tithe to the church, and put away savings.
Think before you act. Make informed decisions in all areas of life.
Take your faith serious. God is to be loved, believed, honored and obeyed.
Make time for family meals around the table.
Music is a gift to be developed and shared, especially in the church.
Honesty is expected, respect is earned, integrity is essential.

And then I became a parent.

My Take on Raising Children and Grandchildren

Most of my parenting is finished, and my grand-parenting is just beginning. Parenting was a lot harder than I thought it would be, not because my children were wild or difficult but because the world is wild and difficult. I was intentional in my parenting and expected my children to meet my expectations, but I could get overwhelmed and frustrated. I learned as I grew as a mother, confidant, and mentor.

My children saw in me some of the same values with which I had been raised. My spirit is quiet and gentle, which meant I parented from that side of my personality. I wasn’t consistent one hundred percent of the time, but I gave it a lot of effort. It’s wonderful when you see your adult children incorporate values you instilled in them. I particularly like it when I see them act with kindness to the less fortunate and others they meet. All five of them have that trait in common, and they’re responsible individuals. My children, you bless me in so many ways.

What I learned as a parent.

Along with parenting come some lessons we as parents need to learn. Raising my children taught me several lessons such as:

Sometimes I need to get off my high horse.
I don’t know everything.
To slow down and take time for them.
To listen when they need it regardless of what else is pressing.
To affirm their uniqueness. To acknowledge their accomplishments. To praise their attempts to do well.
To admit when I’ve been wrong and offended their sensibilities.
To be realistic with my expectations instead of expecting perfection. They are much more than their performance.
Humility.
To pray, think, and be flexible in new and challenging ways.
There are going to be tears by you and anger by them.

1997, Chico, CA

Some of the values I put in place were a blending of my past but with incorporating some of my own take on what a child needs. I was rarely heard as a child because I was less vocal and timid…I didn’t try to be noticed. It was important to me to not only guide my children but to value them individually by listening to them and talking things over. I wanted them to get the one thing I didn’t get much of during my childhood. I don’t know if I was successful in this, but I tried to be.

Parenting Values

Know your child. Listen to the heart of your child. Pay attention to their level of frustration.
Be fair and kind. Incorporate fair measures for correction and discipline. Strive not to be harsh or demeaning. Do teach and expect respectful behaviors. (thank you)
Develop the whole person. Help your child understand life and its different dynamics. (this is fun)
Demonstrate love and acceptance. Talk with your children often and whenever there is an opening. (so important)
Provide opportunities for them to grow as individuals. Encourage reading, music, and artistry to develop these areas.
Set appropriate boundaries. Schedule all electronics/sports/other activities in manageable allotments.
Be an example. Teach by living out what you believe and incorporating it your own lifestyle.
Develop moral consciousness. Concepts of right and wrong are the parents’ responsibility to model and teach. (so important)
Help grow your child’s confidence. (this was not easy for me)
Love your children well even when they are adults. Skip the criticism and unsolicited advice. They need to figure it out.
Shower them with grace and goodness. Yay!