Bashful was Grandad’s nickname for me.
I was a shy child, not the shyest ever but shy, nevertheless. Mother said she was a shy child and would hide when relatives came to visit. I guess I came by it naturally. I am still shy and still push myself to do things that are uncomfortable for me. There are many ways shyness enters the conversation, from making business phone calls to the people side of my writing projects.
Shyness, though, is related to something much bigger. Something called fear.
Fear is a terrible master. I remember when in my 40s I realized I had an fear of people. I traced it back to see how it had outworked in me. I saw how my fear of people–their attention or rejection–had impacted my thoughts, actions, and reactions, how my lack of confidence was related to this fear of not being ‘good enough’ or ‘smart enough’ or ‘interesting enough,’ how it kept me from approaching others and from moving forward. It saddened me to realize how fear had held me back.
I was a teacher by profession and a leader in my church. Every step had required that I walk past my fear and bypass my shyness.
But I had dreams and ambitions and desires that I had left behind, compromised by my lack of belief in my ability to accomplish them.
Fear messes with you.
Fear that manipulates your thinking, that hinders your belief about yourself, that keeps your spirit enclosed, is unhealthy. Its internal message hurts, hinders, and halts you–and causes wrong beliefs.
Facing your fear is essential.
Here’s how. Recognize your fears for what the are and how they control you. Admit your struggle to God. Allow God to minister to you in your spirit. Ask Him to reveal your hidden fears to you. Determine to move fear aside, to remove its clutches, and to replace it with healthier perceptions and new habits. It wouldn’t hurt to read a book about codependency, either. I recommend Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie.
Retrain your mind by removing the negative messaging, thoughts like ‘what’s wrong with me,’ ‘if only,’ and ‘I wish,’ and ‘things never go right for me,’ those well-worn thought patterns. You purpose to develop a new way of thinking and self-talk. You initiate a replacement narrative, with truth statements, such as, ‘you can do this’ and ‘just do your best,’ and ‘that’s okay.’ Push past the discomfort to do the best you can and stop worrying about what people think.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control” (2 Tim.1:7).
Draw close to God, closer than you were before. Embrace His love for you. Let His love define you, cleanse you, heal you, and free you. He will transform your inner self. Fears will lessen as hope and love grow in you. Fear, insecurity, and ‘less-than’ self-perceptions will no longer influence your inner messaging.
You may not have a problem with fear, self-doubt, or shyness, but I bet you have some area that needs some tweaking or improvement. You can implement a similar strategy to address and overcome the troubling area. Apply the suggestions in the paragraph above this one to align yourself with the purposes of God in your life. Then see what happens. God is not slack concerning His promises (2 Pet. 3:9).
I can’t promise you that you will conquer your fears, but you will become more balanced and healthier. You will recognize fear-based thoughts whenever they surface to defeat you. Best of all, your relationship with God will strengthen and become intimate, rich, and tender. This is blessedness.
Be all you should be sans the fear.
. . .
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon, Unsplash