I was alive, more ALIVE than ever before.

Unexpected fullness of joy welled up in me. My heart was bursting with happiness, joy, and love. I was charged with kinetic energy on full blast at top speed enclosed in the confines of my body. I had never experienced such lightness and blessedness. Facing me was a gym full of people singing praises to God, but I was in my own world, knowing God’s indwelling combined with a great awareness of His presence. Self-consciousness made me wonder if people could tell that something was going on. Was I making a spectacle of myself?

Earlier in the service, sorrow was heavy upon me as I sang with the music team. I was in the middle of a rough patch, which had caused an ever-increasing gut-wrenching reliance on God–nothing new, really, but something that required my full attention. Being sued for primary custody of my then twelve year old daughter had ripped my family in two. She was being taken from me in the flower of her blossoming womanhood.

Fears for her future and the disruption of our relationship were foremost in my thoughts. I knew my daughter had distanced from me emotionally. Her words were accusing and angry as she questioned my love, spirituality, and integrity. Those were being doubted as I was degraded in her estimation and held in contempt rather than with respect. This separating of child-from-mother caused her to resist me in every way, and I could no longer reach her heart nor enter her world. I was losing her more each day as our relationship morphed, splintered, and then fractured. My heart was breaking. Her older siblings were being drawn into the drama, which was causing additional discomfort.

The presence of spiritual warfare was strong. I could feel it.

The timing was not surprising. Just when I thought I was ready for God to use me to help people suffering from emotional pain by showing them ways to heal from painful pasts, I was being side-lined by the Enemy as he sought to destroy my family and the ministry I felt called to begin. I had battled him before and was savvy to his tricks. He’s easy to spot once you know his ways. Satan seeks to divide and conquer, to cause pain and suffering as he disrupts and destroys what God has raised and blessed. He uses doubt, deception, manipulation, confusion and lies to accomplish his agenda. I felt his darkness, knew the confusion, saw the entanglements, and experienced the destructive attack on my family and me.

I focused my attention on God. As I sang, my being began to fill with joy. My inner person was lifted by God’s presence. The joy of Him then completely filled me. So strong was His presence that I could barely contain my delight and happiness. A huge smile took control of my face and I couldn’t shut it down when I tried to minimize it. It seemed as if beams of light must be radiating from my being. It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and down–for I could barely contain my joy. It was like God was bursting His love in me. Beautiful. Amazing.

The problems didn’t go away. My daughter went to live with her dad.

God carries you through. The spiritual life is that way. Those who seek God will find Him. Genuine Spirit-Life is found in God. People who find God and center themselves in Him are Alive to God as the Holy Spirit and Christ’s resurrection life invigorates their souls.

Here is the unvarnished truth. Christianity is not a function. It is not a formality. It is not a moral code. It is not the external forms. It is not a religion. Christianity is a Life. When that Life–Father, Son, and Holy Spirit–has access to your life, it becomes Living-Life. Living-Life then begins to transform your inner person. A spiritually wise person will embrace this Living-Life and then allow God free-access without imposing self-will, self-limits or self-made barriers.

Alive in God is intentional Spirit-engaged, relational living.

Spiritual freedom becomes integrated with life and soul as we awaken to God’s Presence. People who are alive in this way are attractive to all who meet them. They are energized by God and for love of God. This is authentic spiritual living. Once in awhile a bonus comes with it, like my experience with fullness of joy. These are special times that enrich our souls. People who are Alive in God are never dour and rarely negative because they act out of the Spirit as they choose to push the flesh aside. The light of God reflects in their eyes and the softness of His touch is found in their expressions, although this is may be somewhat repressed when they are in the presence of rebellion, which stirs up conflict or rage against the Spirit Life. These Christ-following people are helpful, loving and other-focused.

The world craves authenticity, which is why it is quick to notice hypocrites.

Do we want to share Christ with the world? If so, our lives must reflect the image of Christ. What seems to be partially missing from spiritual formalities, creeds, and religious practices; missing from intense prayer, bible study, and obediences (although these all are important) is a concentrated, life changing, open Spirit-Life–the life of Christ in the interior self–where the soul finds itself released from what is not of  God and then centered in an unfettered, living relationship with the triune God; emphasis on ‘living.’ This is something that cannot be replicated or stamped on us like a patterned formula for living the Christ-life. What is also missing is pure godly love. Love springs forth from out of a Presence, from God’s living Presence at work in and through us. By becoming  ‘Alive in God,’ ‘Alive in Christ,’ ‘Alive in the Spirit,’ you will have something to offer anyone who asks ‘the reason for the hope that is in you.’

Eighteen months later my daughter returned to my custody via her choice, and her dad supported it. We are on good terms today and have become close once again.

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