Oh, I remember it well . . . .

My husband had left me. . . My work was not enough. . . I didn’t know what to do. . . I gave up as I sat there on the couch and lit a candle. I thought back on all the hard times and rough times and empty times. They had never been enough. Never had someone tried as hard as I did, but it was not enough.

My mate didn’t want me. Never had wanted me. I had eked out a living in spite of all the negative’s. Lord knows I tried. He was gone, and I was alone. The kids were grieving, I couldn’t blame them. Even my youngest tried to make sense of it. She asked her sister (who was a senior) and then she asked me. I tried but I couldn’t help her.

I sat on the couch. I brought some candles and sat them on the piano bench which I had drawn near me. It was a Saturday. I spent my Saturday mornings in the Word, praying, thinking, writing, and moping. I was trying my best to get up and beyond the craziness of it all. After some time I went outside to walk in the orchard.

When I walked I sensed God’s being with me. I loved how he walked with me. The Lord touched me. He let me know He was with me. He met my need. He let me know He loved me even though I felt highly unlovable. I could see His cross and the sword piercing his side. I wept. The tears raced down my cheeks. I hurt because Christ hurt for me and everybody. I cried and cried. I let it all come out. My tears were small compared to the tears and pain he experienced long ago on the hill called Mount Calvary.

The tears came to a stop. I reached out to God and He reached back. Some how in that moment of suffering Christ came in and touched me: healing me, freeing me, helping me, and making me anew. How He did it, I do not know, I just know he did it. God freed me. God made me anew. My tears stopped flowing. I looked at the trees around me. I breathed deeply. And breathed again.

I was different. The pain that I had carried for 20 years was gone. I still hurt BUT the silent pain was gone, and I can say now, it was forever gone. Hard times were still in effect but I was different now. God met my need. He carried my cross. He helped me see that good times were ahead of me. I was still uncertain. I wasn’t sure if this was permanent. But it was. That was amazing. Praise be to God, my Father.

I was on a healing journey from that day on. I didn’t want to but I had to give up on my marriage. I simply had no choice. God taught me through it. God brought good out of it, too. I can see that now. Some things take a great deal of time to work through. In fact, some times you can’t see your way through the difficulty. God will be with you through the many major and minor steps you will make. What I want to say the most is this: Never Give Up. God is with you,

Be Sociable, Share!

• 
•