The Lord Helps

Whether we are current or behind, God always is with us. I know there are times when He seems far away. Those times are hard. They may last awhile. You keep on plodding. You keep on hoping. You keep on, keeping on. Maybe you give up . . . for awhile. Maybe you try to better your game . . . for all its worth. Maybe you aren’t sure what to do differently. It is really, really, really hard at times. I’m sure you’ve had a few or many such times if you’ve been a Christian for over a few years.

It’s been told to me that God keeps us moving forward. That makes sense. But sometimes we can’t tell where He is at. We struggle to find Him if we’re honest about it, but we are afraid to admit that that is the case. People have said that God sometimes is invisible to us. When He is this way, we are fearful that He has left us, and maybe for good. We can’t quite figure it out, though we may have tried and desperately given it our best. What to do?

I don’t have the answers. It seems that God is taking us on a long journey. Each person He brings a unique way. I can’t say what God is going to do for you, even when I think I know. The Lord helps us, I do know that. We must trust Him, even when we don’t know the reason why. Take some time by yourself with God. Start perusing you path in reverse. Look to Him as you probe the contacts and decisions you have made. You may come to a place where you find what you’re looking for. He brings it up to your eyesight, for you to take notice. You do, and He does. It’s an uncanny thing.

The Lord Keeps

One thing I am always thankful for is that I know my Redeemer. I know He lives, cares, and guides. At times though He appears to be far away, I speak and I know He hears me. So uniquely He strives to bring me Up, to listen to and for Him, to trust Him and not doubt. Always He is teaching us. We learn to trust Him through the good and also the hard times.

A week ago I decided to take down my journals. I looked at them and couldn’t make up my mind whether I wanted to review them or not. Did I want to read through that old stuff? I started journaling in February, 2002, a couple weeks after my mate had decided to leave me. My five kids were Josh at Western Baptist College for his freshman year, LaVonne during her senior year at Chico Senior High, Thomas was getting his driver’s permit, Forrest was at the end of grade school, and Glorianne was in preschool at Hamilton, where I was P/T teaching.

I decided to read the first journal. It took me three days. Then I read it again. I was getting it out and reading it closely. There were things I had written that I didn’t remember and visa-versa. It was amazing, really. I haven’t looked at them in a long time, and I didn’t think they would be of interest. In fact, I had been embarrassed by my writing, cuz it was painful and I hoped for things that never came to pass. I wrote a lot, and I wrote from the heart. And I wrote a bit what the kids had to say. I’m so glad I did.

The Lord Remains

It’s odd now that so much time has passed. Neither one of us has remarried. He lives on the east coast now. I’m still in Chico. Reading the journal now brought it all back. I was a mother, a worker in the church, a part-time school teacher, an orchardist in Dad’s walnut orchard, and a student at Chico State University, for my refreshed credential and my reading credential. I was way busy, but I had to be. I was also afraid my work would be stopped in the church, but Pastor saw it appropriately.

I saw my kids differently than I had before. Divorce affects you children. Pastor gave me wise counsel that stood up through the many years of then and after. Each child took it differently, but they all grasped the enormity of it all. I didn’t give up, though I should have. The first journal took me through the months of separation. I saw the strength of my kids during the reading of it. They wanted their dad to get right with God. I’m glad for that, and that it was the truth.

I sent a little text to Josh. I wanted to thank him for being so good, kind, and thoughtful during that time. And he was all that. God was by my side through it all, but I couldn’t always see Him. I was extremely broken, harshly hurt, and terribly mixed up. I had tried so hard, but it hadn’t been enough. I didn’t understand. All I can say is that God knows. He has helped us through it all. I’m so very glad He did.

The Lord Reminds

“Trust Me.” Those two words mean the world to me. When I wanted answers, I got “Trust Me.” I had to learn to trust in Father God for everything and as often as I crumbled, grumbled, and complained. I couldn’t live life the way I wanted to, and I could only live the ways God directed me. For three years God answered all my prayers with those two words, “Trust Me.” It took awhile but God slowly and thoroughly took me over the hill with His assurance that He would meet my need.

I ended up losing my job during my separation. I still had the orchard but I also had University bills. I learned to trust God. Really, I had little choice but to give it all to Him. My siblings were helpful, just and kind. Often I spoke with them and was encouraged by their awareness and kindness. My brother helped me get a good attorney. He gave me practical and precious advice. It meant so much to me for I was deeply devastated. He probably kept his words to himself out of necessity. He made it possible, when I saw no possibility. Basically, Paul held my hand and walked it through with me.

Eventually I got my job back at Hamilton Elementary. I taught a bit, and then moved into the reading specialist job when it came available. God took care of us the few months I wasn’t working. He brought us through many months of sorrow to times of peace and joy. There is more to this story than I’m sharing, but I only speak of the few months of the separation. I spent a counseling session with my husband’s counselor. He wanted us to speak of the hard things. He shook his head and said, “There’s been so much suffering. Why have you kept at it?” He looked at me when he said that. It is hard to answer, but I cared.

The Lord Reviews

Now it’s twenty years past. We’re all living a better life. But the impact still shows. I’m not going to go into that for I think it’s better not to go there. But there are some good things that The Lord Reviews. Some things I see more clearly now than I did back then. God teaches us when we listen. God uses people, family, friends, and children, to shape our lives. We will always learn if we keep our ears open.

We’re all learning. We’re all growing. We’re all listening. Some of us are reading (!). Some of us are eagerly looking forward to what’s ahead (I am most of the time). Some of us are able to touch others where they need touching. Bravely, God speaks His truth. He’s worth listening to. God never disappointed me, though I disappointed Him. Today I would have put my thoughts on Youtube and had my own channel. Just something helpful like that.

Last of all, I want to get your attention for a moment. I hope something I’ve said will be meaningful for you or help someone in need. None of us can handle it all, at least I don’t think so. I’d love to pray for you, help you, or lend you my ear. I do care. That’s why I still write. I would be glad to help you, even if it is just to sort things out. If not, know that I pray for my readers.

The Lord bless you.